2 more weeks

It's been 3 months - I can't believe it's been 3 months and I'm to go back to work full time next month. Definitely a part of me that's ready to go back to the workforce and interact with adults, but I worry about leaving her with strangers.

We are looking into daycare and such, but they are still strangers and I'm not crazy about the idea at all. Thankfully her grandma Karen will be taking care of her for the first 2 weeks of January so that I can ease into work without worrying about leaving her with strangers.

Today we drove to Eldorado Hills north of Sacramento to hang out with Chris' brother, Erick and his wife Jeannie. They have a gorgeous home and we had fun sharing Aesha. She has gotten so much cuter, if that's possible. Her personality and her features are becoming more prominent. She's growing. Sometimes I look at her and still can't believe we are related. It still hasn't hit me yet I guess.

I love this picture AG took of us at my mom's house; it reflects how I feel about her. That I'm watching over her, but allowing her to figure things out on her own. I spend a lot of time going through memories of when someone discussed what they felt or what they would do with their child and I didn't understand. And now I run that scenario through my mind and am beginning to realize how little I didn't understand and how different my responses are now. Another stage of maturity.... I'm not sure why I'm spending so much time with this exercise...

Thanksgiving 2007

We returned from our 12 days in the northwest. My dad finally got to meet Aesha for the first time. And slowly, surely she hooked him in and stole his heart like she did everyone she met. The first time we met at our usual Pho restaurant and he was obviously happy and loved holding her, but by the end of the trip, he (like all the other grandparents) followed her around waiting for an opportunity to hold her again when she wasn't crying. It was so sweet to see my dad's face light up. At one point he said something very poignant, that she gave him hope. It was really beautiful.

I think he also felt a closer bond to AG as well because he wanted a picture of the three of them. I'm a lot like my father in looks and personality. He really sees AG for the amazing man he is. He told me so on our last day hanging out, that I chose reallly well. I love that about my dad. We always were able to communicate. When I was a child he would sing to me and tell me stories. The most inspiring were about strong women who were able to rise above their restrictions. My dad definitely is the stronger influence and I'm excited for Aesha to hear all the stories I heard when I was a child.


Even now, my dad respects my decisions and we discuss the reasons I choose a specific path, even if it goes against what he was raised to believe. For example, when AG and I decided to get pregnant without getting married first, he really understood. He knew that AG was special, he heard me when I told him so. I can't say the same about my mom. She understands now that we have Aesha, but she didn't get it before. My dad told me we'd get married when we were ready and it wasn't all that important. I love that he completely understood, I barely had to explain my actions to him.


And the rest of my Asian crew finally got to meet Aesha. I've known these girls since high school and college and we've been through a lot together; first loves, marriages, divorces, heartaches.... Since then we've all gone down different paths but our friendship is strong and it was lovely to see how much they enjoyed meeting Aesha.

Aesha was amazing on the plane there and even better on our return. She got a certificate and her wings from Southwest Airlines. Everyone adored her. She never cried, except for 1 minute when she was telling us she was hungry.

While in Seattle, my mom bought the cradle swing and saved our skins. We were told that the "swing" was one of the most important things to buy, but no one distinguished what type of swing. We bought a swing previously but this was not the cradle swing where babies can lie down. Long story short, the minute we landed, dropped our bags off at home, I booked off to Babiesrus and bought that swing and we've been so much happier since. We no longer need to swaddle her up, put her in the ergo and walk for hours up and down the stairs and through the hallways to get her to sleep. I get impatient with my mom sometimes because she nags so much and repeats all her suggestions, but I have to give her kudos. She knows what she's doing most of the time, she had 5 of us.

In summary, the trip was great; but we are so happy to be home. There's nothing like coming home to a place we've made together. So much thanks to grandparents, friends, and community (the family we create wherever we are). I'm thankful for the decisions that I've made or were made for me to get me to where I am today, in a loving relationship - creating a beautiful family and sharing that love with those around us....

Time is flying by so fast....

Saturday we celebrated London's birthday at Cafe Mojo on Divis. It was a last minute decision - as most of our going out decisions will probably be for awhile. It's difficult to plan anything since we don't know the temperament of Ms. Fire.


We were happily surprised to find Marmee and Noura already at the party. Aesha was in her element - attentively listening to music and watching all the buzz. She loved the atmosphere. When we got home, she conked out like a light bulb and slept for 5 hours! Oh my - if only it could be like that every time - we'd take her out partying always.

AG and I had some time to reconnect with friends and I even had 2 glasses of wine (tastebuds starting to normalize).
Here is Ms. Ellen (we've been friends since high school). Hadn't seen her in awhile and I can't wait to see her new spa.


Monday Aesha had her 2 month doctor's appointment. She weighs in at 10lbs 1.3 oz., 22 3/4 long. She's in the 50th percentile for weight and 75% percential for length.

The next day I had my post partum appointment - and my uterus is still swollen but should be completely back to normal by the 10th week.

Tuesday we went to the Mommy's group luncheon and it was hysterical to see all the babies together. Based on stories from everyone else, Aesha is a relatively easy baby. I'm not having as many problems with sleeping, eating etc.. It's good to get a perspective. Sharing our experiences helps to ground us. I'm really glad I went and am hoping to take Marmee with me next Tuesday. Watching her change and grow has been a lot of fun. I'm beginning to see rhythms and cycles. In the mornings when she gets up early to poop. She's super noisy and tries so hard and the result is noisy and satsfying. She has such a look of relief when finished. Afterwards, we give her some naked time on the bed with us. She now lies on her back and coos and sighs and it's the cutest thing.

Last week when she was feeding, I was on the computer (one handed) when I felt her slapping my arm - and she made some distinct noises - as if to get my attention. I looked down and she was staring directly at me. For that split moment I felt as if we had just communicated; that the series of actions wasn't coincidental. I felt a deep connection with her. AG also had similar moments with her.

Time is flying by. We are leave next week for the Northwest and when we return it will be December already. 6 more weeks before I return to work. We have to start thinking seriously about child care... oy.

What do I do all day?

I've been getting asked this question often now. I guess it mostly depends on how much sleep I've gotten the night before. There appears to be some pattern emerging. Little Miss Aesha changes it for us daily. Some nights she's fussy - other nights she's an angel. We're trying to figure out what causes the fussiness.

Last night - I knew I was in for a long one. She slept from 7pm to 12:30am waking up only once to feed for 10 minutes. Too easy. She woke up at 3:30 hungry and furious. Nothing would calm her down and she wasn't going to take the breast easily. After 2 hours - and tired of screaming and crying - she finally took the breast and fell asleep in 10 minutes. She woke up again at 9:30 and AG took her upstairs and let me nap for another hour. The rest of the day has been trying to get lunch while holding her and then feeding her off and on again every hour and a half or two hours if I'm lucky.

Margo came at noon and hung out for an hour. Thankfully she slept most of the hour. Then I tried to nap between 3-4pm - got woken up at 4:30 and tried to feed her until 5:30. It's now 6pm and I've given up and given her to AG who is rocking her on the bouncing chair. She seems to like it. So now I'll try to clean up a bit before Kerry comes over - and she'll probably wake up at around 7:30pm for another feeding. If I'm lucky, dinner will be done by 9:30 and she will wake up for one more feeding before midnight... then she usually sleeps until 4am.

So that's my day... with little time in between for going out or doing anything. I'm sure once we get this down, she'll change it on us.

Being a mommy - ain't easy

It's now 16+ days since Aesha was born and just when I think I'm getting the hang out it - she changes something on us. Her feeding is going well - I thought I figured out a brilliant solution to her "grazing." While she is nursing on one breast, I pump on the other and then we give it to her in a bottle - that way we make sure she is getting the hindmilk and she can suck down the milk in the bottle faster.

Also, when she was grazing, she would end up falling asleep before she was full and would wake up 30 minutes later just as hungry and a little more agitated. This does not allow for mommy downtime and was exhausting me. The bottle was working well, but now she does not like the bottle. AG has had to pull out all his tricks to try to get her to suck down half an ounce and she's supposed to have 2 ounces per feeding. Today has been a challenging day. I finally swaddled her up - gave up feeding her on the bottle and gave her the breast. Of course she fell asleep in 10 minutes. I hope she got enough.

The weather has been so beautiful and today is so warm. I wanted to attend the mother's group luncheon with the other 5 couples from our birthing class, now that everyone has had their baby. Anyella, the other woman who has kaiser, coincidentally had a c-section as well. Everyone else had a vaginal delivery - hrm....

Last night we went to Sandy/Carla's for dinner - they are so sweet. It was their last night before they went back to work - from a month long vacation and they chose to spend it with us. Sandy made a delicious salmon and pork loin dinner - we brought a salad. Carla is utterly enthralled with Aesha. It's so sweet to see. Aesha is awake more and more often and is as cute as ever. But her stubborness and willfulness is showing through - and AG is so great with her. He takes his time with her - talking to her, singing to her, walking her around and soothing her when she cries. I've never seen a more dedicated father - he's really amazing and I'm super lucky to have him as a partner.

My wound is completely healed now - but every once in awhile I get some sharp pains. I still cannot sleep on my side and internally I'm not completely myself - but I'm moving around a lot more and can't wait to get out of the house. Lots of family coming in this weekend. Initially it was only my parents, but Chris, Al and Karen are coming down for Rudy's book signing in San Jose - so we decided to layer everyone in. We'll have some one on one time with Chris and Al Friday then Saturday my parents get to have full access to Aesha since they haven't met her yet. We'll probably try to have dinner in San Jose. Monday we'll have one on one time with Karen. I'm sure Grandma Karen will be excited to have a full day with her little Aesha. Pictures of little Aesha are at www.aeshamaysun.blogspot.com

Recovering

So we've been home now for 8 days. There's been some ups and downs. After the cesarean, I was taking percocet for the pain management - which I didn't realize is a very strong controlled narcotic. I was taking 2 every 4 hours and then supplementing with an additional dose of ibuprophen every 8 hours. We were discharged Wednesday and by Saturday morning I realized we were almost out of percocet. AG called up Kaiser to get a refill. Due to the weekend - we had to wait for Monday for a return call. So I reduced my dosage to 1 every 4 hours Saturday and then by Sunday down to 1 every 8 hours. Of course I started feeling all the stitches.

Monday Kaiser called and it was a circus trying to fil the prescription. Every nurse told us a different story. My NP said she filled the prescription but by the time we got to the pharmacy - we were told that we couldn't get the percocet because it was a controlled narcotic - a class C - and required the prescription to be walked into the pharmacy. We began this conversation at 11am and by the time we were done, it was 5pm and we couldn't deal with it anymore and took a prescription of vicodin instead. When I got home, I researched percocet and discovered that it's highly addictive and very strong and contrary to what the doctors told us, there is a possibility that it passes to the baby through breast milk. Ugh. I'm glad I'm off that. Could be our imagination - but we believe it does pass throug to Aesha - she was sleeping all the time, to the point that she wasn't feeding well. It took so much energy to keep her awake through her feedings - and my milk didn't come through. 10 hours after being off percocet - I started having shakes - which is one sign of withdrawal. The good news is that I started waking up and so did Aesha. Although I felt more pain, it was all worth it.

Then this morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom only to find out that my wound was gushing out some fluid - including some blood and white liquid. This freaked me out. AG spent the morning calling the nurse and asking what we should do. We went to Kaiser at 10am. The OB took off my bandage and found that the wound was open and had to stuff gauze into the wound and reseal it. AG will now need to dress my wound for the next several days - but thankfully no infection so far.

Ven, Jen and Jeven flew in last night from NJ. They came to visit us this afternoon. Jeven is huge (pictures of the two will be up soon). Jen left to hang out with friends. Ven is hanging out tonight with AG. Uncle Ven has fallen under Aesha's spell and can't put her down. I think he'd love to hang out with her all night if he could. It's very cute. He's been holding and singing to her all day. It's great seeing them - he's the only other guy I know besides AG who is so good at taking care of his family. Makes sense why they are best friends.

Happy Weekversary Aesha Maysun Gluck

It's been exactly 1 week since Aesha was born. It's been such a long road and recovery is still a little bit of a bitch. As many know, after many hours - approximately 72 I think of no medication labor, and then 15 hours of medicated labor - we ended up having a cesarean. Aesha was transverse - and acencletic (not sure about spelling). Her body was in the right position but her head was turned so that she was facing away from me and the back of her head against my spine (transverse). Then she had her head cocked to the side so that part of her head was pushing against my pelvis bone. It was too wide and therefore she couldn't push against the cervix to cause dialation.

We were discharged Wednesday at noon and I've been home recuperating since. AG has become super AG. He's done everything since I can barely lift Aesha. He's taken care of both his girls, the dogs, the house, the chores and himself. I've been scolded several times for trying to do some chores - which only led to more internal bleeding. So I've given up and let him take charge. Aesha is his new love and it's so sweet watching him take care of her. He's so in love.

We've had some visitors but AG is being strict about who comes to visit since it taxes me out still just trying to be alert from all the drugs I'm taking to deal with the pain. AG's parents also rocked. They came and helped with the pups and the house while we were in the hospital. They are also quite smitten with the little bugger. I have to admit that I am as well. After I was in the recovery room from the c-section, AG passed out from the emotional and physical toll of the 5 days of labor. I was up all night bonding with Aesha, holding, kissing, watching her every movement. When she opened up eyes - that's when I fell in love. She has the most beautiful eyes. We've been having the best time with her since coming home. Her noises, her looks - they are all so precious. She even has a blog of her own at www.aeshamaysun.blogspot.com. It's still amazing to watch her change. She is quite the blend of both of us and still she's changing.

Thanks to all my friends and family who provide lots of thoughts our way - we are safe at home, recovering and getting to know each other. I can't wait to take her out and show her off.

Contractions continued

Our contractions subsided for a bit from noon to 5pm. We grabbed some lunch, then came home and watched a really bad action movie (Apocolypto). Then took another walk at 5pm - got some munchies and came home to eat a bit and took a 1 hour nap. Just woke up again from strong contractions about an hour ago and have been having them now every 6 minutes.... boy they are strong mofo's.

I'm still awake enough to write in my journal and check email... so I guess i'm not too far gone. Sitting on the ball really really helps a lot! It hurts so much more lying down, not sure why, even on the side.

So far, it's all definitely do-able. Having the time to rest in between really makes a huge difference - it's going to be crazy when they start getting on top of each other. Ari is doing well, a little nervous and doing what he can to make me feel good - but the contractionsmaster.com is great... it's been keeping track and giving us very valuable information.

Alright, gonna try to do some things online before I can't do anything anymore. Will update you all in the morning if we are still around.

Continued

So we went for our walk and I had maybe 1-2 contractions. Looks like the contractions have subsided for now... but doesn't mean Martini isn't working her way out. My cervix is definitely softening and the sporadic contractions are helping to work her downwards.

Now I'm full and tired - and am thinking of having a nap on the couch while AG works... poor guy - this may happen for the next several days before more excitement occurs.

Week 40 and Martini's due date

So last night I woke up at midnight with contractions - um, yeah, they are painful. Like very bad cramps and I usually don't get cramps. AG found my thunder rainstorm CD last night just in time. I wrote in my journal for a bit and turned off the lights to sleep. It took awhile, but somehow, I did fall asleep.

Woke up at 2:30am in bed breathing through more contractions. Finally got up to turn on the rainstorm CD to help me fall back to sleep - after writing more in my journal. Fell asleep again and woke up at 6:15am due to another painful contraction. AG woke up this time and we decided to start tracking them. When I woke up I had a weird dream that I was going through labor in my dream - we were in Paris in the 1930's and soaking in a tub while going through some active labor. The bathroom window was next to the apartment stairwell where people were walking up and down and hanging out - like in Manhattan. There was a stir of activity outside, people were drinking, it was at night. Some homeless woman was trying to climb through our window to hang out inside. I kept trying to shoo her away but she wouldn't go and no one was helping me. I finally located a cop and he chased her off, and that's when I woke up.

The contractions are going 25 minutes lasting over a good minute. By 8:15 they are getting pretty painful - so I decided to get up and walk around and sit on the birthing ball - that helped a lot. Contractions are now going every 15 minutes lasting up to 1 minute but they aren't as painful as I'm moving my body. Just took a shower, called our doula, Sasha and our parents to inform them of the activity. We still aren't sure whether this is the real thing - but it sure feels like it - especially with the bloody show and all. Walking is even better - the pain is less intense. So now I'm starving and we are getting dressed to get food and pack our hospital bag. Haven't yet decided to send emails to friends just yet since I'm not sure where the contractions are heading. Some of the women in my birthing class have had contractions for 5 days now - the contractions start at night and subside during the day. So I don't want to alarm anyone.

More updates when I return from our little food walk.

Week 39 and 1 day before 40

I have all these pictures I wanted to post of the activities I've been up to lately. But I haven't the focus or energy. Met up with Kerry for lunch yesterday and with Nafysa today. Hung out with Colin yesterday as well. Got the car seat installed, been journaling but haven't made it to that sewing project.

Today I woke up thinking - I'm feeling quite heavy. I told AG - perhaps she may not make it till next week (which was my prognosis earlier this week). Instincts are kicking in. I've been feeling so heavy that I haven't had the energy to walk around, just lying around on the couch watching tv and all. Nafysa gave me some cranial sachrial massage after lunch today and I fell asleep for an hour after. I just went to the bathroom and realized that I'm having some bloody show. There has been some changes in my discharge lately even though it's subtle. But now, the bloody show is the real first sign that big changes have started. I'm not sure it means that it will happen in the next day or so, but it could. AG and I haven't even packed our hospital bag yet. It's a good thing I don't have any plans tomorrow except for dinner in the evening to celebrate Salim and Mohommad's birthday.

I suppose tomorrow I'll go grocery shopping and get things I'd want for labor and pack my hospital bag. I haven't found my rainstorm cd either... hrm.

If I do have contractions tonight - I will probably get up and blog about it. But otherwise, assume that I'm not in labor quite yet. And it takes a long time before we would be heading to the hospital since we intend to stay home as long as possible before going.

Week 38 and Sarah & Dan's Wedding

Saturday we drove to Healdsburg for Sarah & Dan's wedding. It was scalding. Thankfully, the house we rented with 5 other people had AC and was large and cool. AG and I got the master bedroom with a deep soaking tub - which we used often to cool down.
We arrived Saturday at 3pm and headed for lunch at Willi's Seafood restaurant. Too hot to have too much food, it was a perfect place for little plates. We ordered a small bucket of clams with white wine sauce, heirloom tomatoe salad, and grilled salmon salad. Afterwards we lounged around the house socializing with Shannon, Eli and their 5 month old daughter Isla Love before heading to dinner. Of course we ended up in the parent arena, that shouldn't be too much of a surprise - but it was. AG and I watched the young parents as they fed their children, and almost at the exact time, they all started crying... fussy time; and all the fathers were crooning them to sleep. Odd - like watching the animal planet show.
We left by 10pm - headed back to the house to lounge on the back porch while listening to crickets and watching the stars. Next morning we went back to the town square and had breakfast at a little French Bakery. By the afternoon, the temperature had risen to over 100 degrees. The wedding was at 4:30pm in a cute littel church - and we were so thankful for the little AC that was provided.


I hate crying at weddings and almost got away with it until Dan chocked on his vows, it was very touching.

At the reception we got the low down on Rachel's and Smesh's experience at BM.

Here is Rachel and her pal, Noi. Noi, Hideto and KC are packing up and moving to Japan this month. They've bought a little plot of land and building their dream house - and Noi can be closer to her grandparents and speak Japanese.


Here's AG in his new glasses - aren't they hip?

Week 37 - BM thoughts

It's official, she's technically full term now. Last week AG and I had Patrick Roddy memoralize my pregnancy. It wasn't our best day since we were both completely exhausted from work, but there are some good shots nonetheless.

The belly has gotten bigger, even this last week. I've been walking around today running errands and everyone has been stopping me to ask whether I'm going to have this baby any minute. You can't tell in these pictures, but I think recently she's dropped lower. Last Saturday for my birthday day, AG took me and the girls out to hike 4 miles up Mt. Tam. It felt so good to get out and move my body. Of course on the way down, I felt lots of contractions. I had forgotten that you can start labor early if you walk alot. I'm not ready to have her yet. This is my first week off and I've so much to do before I can really enjoy it all. I'm getting a little done on the list every day, but doing a lot of resting in between as well and enjoying her movements.


We met up with Amy our doula on Sunday and hammered out some more details about how I'd like this birth to proceed. Yes, I'm going for it naturally. Of course, if something comes up that requires us to do something different, we will, but I really have some intentions on going as natural as possible. When I first learned I was pregnant, I had thought of taking all the drugs - I didn't want to feel anything. However, the journey of discovering childbirth has completely changed my views. Not only will AG support me during labor (which was not part of my initial thoughts), but we have a birth team as well. I almost sound crunchy. But really, if you do the research, natural is always the best way. The body is such a delicate balance of chemicals, any intervention will off-balance it.


And I started thinking about what a spiritual journey this could be. It's going to be difficult, I don't expect it to be easy - but looking back, I realize that all the difficult experiences in my life has allowed me to discover the strengths within me and made me the person I am. I'm not as fearful of it as before. I tread with caution and some anxiety, but I'm actually looking forward to it, weird as it may seem.
I also realized, this isn't just my journey, it's AG's as well. We're doing this together, and he will be a huge part of this process. I can't wait to share it with him - even though there are some parts where it will be just me.
We hope she'll stay in for another couple of weeks. All of our friends are at BM or heading there - and they specifically instructed Martini not to make an entrance until they've returned.
Last night there was a lunar eclipse which must have been dazzling on the playa. A meteor shower also occurs this week with the full moon. How exciting.

I spent yesterday afternoon hanging out with Shelaine while they packed their truck for their journey. Then later at night, Margo came over - she leaves tomorrow. This morning - I hung out with Rachel for a bit as she was running errands for BM. Both AG and I are feeling a little sad, that feeling of being left behind. But our friends will burn one down for us Saturday night - and we have the best excuse in the world for missing this burn. It'll make next year's burn all the brighter.

I'm thinking of the friends who are there now, hearing the howls as the sun comes down and they are running around preparing dinner and choosing their outfits for the evening before the last rays require the use of headlamps. Big Sigh...

AG and I start some packing this weekend, preparing for Martini. We'll be head up Saturday to Healdsburg and wine country to toast our friends Sarah and Dan at their wedding. AG thinks/hopes that Martini will arrive on the 9th of September. Me, I'm hoping it will be a little later. But I'm fine with the 9th. I know she'll come out when she's good and ready. So have we thought of names? We've been making a short list and here they are: (1) Riyah (meaning - Friend); (2) Maysun (Arabic for beautiful); (3) Kiarra - (Irish for Dark and Beautiful). Any thoughts? We are leaning towards Riyah Maysun Gluck or Riyah Martini Gluck or Riyah M. Gluck (AG's grandmother Marie, I think). Both my parents are looking at Vietnamese names, which will not be on her birth certificate.

Happy Birthday XT - Virgo - extraordinaire

Today is a special day - birthday of our special Virgo extraordinaire - XT. Amazing woman who has gone through huge transitions this year. She's found herself and in turn found her life partner and her path in this world. Love and miss her very much.

Even as we speak, she is doing her work at Omega institute - taking a chance, going off the beaten path - of which we all admire so much. She's a woman full of heart and lots of soul - deep and warm and always there when in need. Someday, she's gonna make a great momma - look at her with all these babies!
Thinking of you XT on your special day... wishing you were here, but feeling your presence always.

Spontaneous birthday dinner

Rachel, XT, Smesh, KT and Elaine spontaneously got together to take me out for my birthday last night to OSHA Thai. It's getting more difficult to get together spontaneously as we get older and our priorities shift and change. It's definitely not Sex in the City for us anymore, but I can't imagine my life without these women.

It was perfect, mellow, sweet and we were all in great spirits and talking about the good old days. Life is changing for all of us, as life does - and more and more, these dinners and get togethers have more significance in my life. I treasure my friendships, and the times we all put together for each other. I know I'll always make time for these women. We were truly missing a huge piece last night - as we all left XT messages on her phone - her birthday is in 2 days!

I reflect on my life today - and can't believe how fortunate I've been to have met all these women who are now such an integral part of my life. It's difficult to imagine who I'd be without them. I have such a charmed life, good friends, a great partner, and now this little girl coming into our lives. I've had my share of challenges, but they don't seem so bad when you have great friends to share the burden and the joys. Life is damn good.

Martini was a sport and showed off her knees and elbows to all who would touch the belly. I think they are still in shock that I'm the first to have a baby. Even I am surprised myself. Life has an interesting way of changing things on you, especially to a planner like me.

Contractions

Friday night Shelaine came over and we had filet mignon and jumbo prawns. It was delicious and grilled to perfection by Elaine. We got up early Saturday morning to attend our Leaps online seminar. That was very interesting, we've been waiting for such a long time.

Met some interesting people at our options seminar in SF on Sunday and got some great information from a guy who's been managing portfolios for a long time. All good news. Last night I felt contractions for the very first time... meaning I really felt them. It does feel like cramps and even though I slept fitfully last night, I was glad to know what the can feel like. Not knowing is more difficult for me. At least I have a pain guage now. There are some other signs that she may decide to come out earlier than I would like. I'm hoping she'll make it past Sarah's wedding. But I guess she will come when she wants....

The things you do for your child

All us mothers to be get tested for GBS between weeks 35 and 37. If you are GBS positive, your Midwife/OB will likely talk to you about antibiotics through an IV in labor. Antibiotics are administered through an IV every four hours starting when you hit active labor or when your waters release. 1 in 4 women are carriers of GBS at the time of birth. Approximately one of every 200 babies whose mothers carry GBS develop signs and symptoms of GBS disease. Of these, one of every 20 babies with GBS disease dies from infection. Babies that survive, particularly those who have meningitis, may have long-term problems, such as hearing or vision loss or learning disabilities. (GBS very rarely infect an average birth weight baby born at term. The risks are higher in the case of a premature or low weight newborn baby.)

So what's the natural way to prevent GBS besides being stuck with a needle and IV therefore limiting your movements during labor? I kid you not, this is my world. It freaks AG out to no end because it IS weird. Garlic or IV? hrm....

Garlic Protocol for Knocking Out GBS

Determine when you will be tested for Group B Strep by your care provider. Starting 8 days before that time, follow the following protocol each evening and morning:

w Each evening peel a whole garlic clove, do not puncture the clove if possible
w Insert clove into your vagina, pushing it up toward your cervix as best you can* (partners are good for this)
w Each morning, remove the clove of garlic (it will often exit quite easily as you sit on the toilet and give a little push with your kegel muscles)

Continue this until the morning of your test.

You may taste garlic in your mouth, so that’s why it is easier to do this overnight than during the day. The taste and smell typically slowly clears in the morning.

*If you are concerned about the garlic “getting lost”, remember, there’s nowhere for it to go. However, you may also pierce the clove with a thin needle and knot a piece of thread around it for easier removal. (Tampon style.)

Do not wear thong panties. Avoid wearing mini pads. Eat lots of yogurt with live acidophilous cultures.

Martini's Baby Shower

This first picture of the Godmother is classic - I love it that Elaine is undisputably regal having her cigarette, a glass of champagne, and looking like the strong gorgeous Godmother who (along with the inconquerable Rachel) threw this amazing Baby Shower for Martini on Sunday.

The details were fabulous - there were little piglets everywhere; piglet cookies, soap and (for the gifts), even the wrapping papers had little piglets everywhere. I was completely touched by the amount of work and energy Rachel and Elaine put into this shower. I took a bunch of pictures but haven't been able to download them just yet. These pictures are from KC and Noi who gave me some beautiful Japanese clothes and bedding. I was completely ovewhelmed and touched by all the women who showed up and the advice they wrote for Martini in her Auntie Advice book (which I'm re-reading and treasuring).

An awesome surprise visit from Karina, Jet and Syrus.

After the shower, I came home and opened up the beautiful presents that were lovingly wrapped by their aunties. These women have great taste. I laid awake until late thinking of each one of them, how I met them and how important they are to my life. The thread that connects us all - is that each one of these women are strong individuals with a unique approach to life. I can't believe I have such a wonderful group of community in these women and that Martini gets a head start in life by having them as role models and adoring aunts. She is already loved by so many people.


There are additional pictures posted at http://www.flickr.com/photos/miboni/.

Full of Ocytocin today

The hormone - ocytocin has become a well known little joke between us. Its other name is the "love hormone" and is produced in high quantities to start the birthing process and completes the process right after the baby is born by creating the bond between mother and baby.

Last of couple of days, I must be full of this hormone because I've been giddy and overflowing with love looking at Martini's pictures. It's finally hitting me - this little person that we've created together. Smesh always makes fun of me that I react a lot like a guy. More often than not, it takes a while for my emotions to catch up with my head. I need time to figure out my emotions whenever something happens and I guess that's very much a male trait. I'm terrible at showing vulnerability, even now when I'm almost 9 months pregnant. Thank god AG's feminine side is strong and allows me to be the man ;) - I told him next life, we go back to our previous gender roles - it's obvious someone was trying to teach me a lesson in this life time.

Last night I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep. I wasn't sure if I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions or whether Martini was just squirming around. I could almost tell the difference and I really thought last night that they were BH contractions. This morning, it felt like a dream, so I'm feeling unsure about it. It's normal to have these contractions as early as week 32 and I'm into my 35th week already. I am hoping she doesn't come too early since we have plans to attend Sara and Dan's wedding. I'd be so bummed to miss that - and to enjoy 3 nights in Healdsburg at a beautiful house with AG - our last little get away before our life is completely changed forever.

Both AG and I got our hair cut yesterday - and my mind is completely wandering all over the place instead of focusing on work. 2 1/2 more weeks before I am on maternity leave and I can't wait - to allow myself the ability to sit and enjoy being pregnant before it's all over. Today I'm in a constant state of bliss - floating above reality. I hope I'm this full of ocytocin when i start contractions - what a high!

Week 34 hello Martini

Friday night Grandma K came down from Humboldt and we went for Vietnamese and opened more gifts for Martini - clothes galore.

Saturday morning we made breakfast, ran to Costco and then met up with Grandparents Al and Chris. They got us a Zooper Stroller - deluxe. It's beautiful with lots of awesome gadgets including a snappable sleeping bag and a matching red diaper bag for AG. I've never seen him so excited about baby stuff, but I guess it's a little high tech. He even read the directions, which amazed me to no end.



Afterwards, we all took a drive to South SF for our 3D-4D ultrasound to meet Martini. And here she is. She has a heart shaped face like mine and possibly my nose, and a full set up beautiful lips. AG is questioning where the Gluck gene pool will show up. Still lots of up in the air, such as her coloring, hair, eyebrows etc. But this gives us a good starting point of what she looks like. I had a sneaking suspicion her face shape would be like mine from the first ultrasound, and now it's confirmed. I do know that chin she's got denotes strength of character and willpower. The nose could go either way - it's a little smushed in the ultrasound - and it's part of the body that continues to grow as we age - so who knows. We had a great group of rowdy commentators including: Smesh, Rachel & CC, Elida, Shelaine and the grandparents. I wished we could have recorded the comments as they were the highlight of the event.

We had a rocking BBQ afterwards at our place and I stayed up with Manisha until 1:30 catching up. Sunday was dreary and gray, but we made the most of it by meeting the parents at Philz and back to our place for breakfast. AG and Grandpa Al made breakfast for the ladies. AG, the pups, and I took a much needed nap from 3-6pm before meeting up with the grandparents for dinner in the Castro. We also did a show and tell of Martini's stuff. She has enough clothes to last her for 3 months - just in time to wear a new outfit a day before she outgrows them all. She's going to be one cute and well dressed little girl.

I'm just thrilled about seeing her and can't believe she looks so much like me already. It's trippy seeing characteristics of yourself in this little person you've created. Nature is awe-mazing.

Meeting the Helsley Clan

Saturday AG and I drove to Fresno to meet his girls - the Helsley Clan. Aliyah is 2 years old and Ava is just 4 months. They were both so cute. Aliyah is super gorgeous and spunky and Ava looks just like daddy with daddy's mellow attitude - she was fine sitting on her little chair trying to stuff her little toes in her mouth.

Helsley is one of my best friends and we go back to law school days. It was so nice to finally see another part of his life - his family, his house - a huge side of him I haven't yet seen. I still can't believe how much of him is in his daughters.
They are gorgeous aren't they? When we got there, we hung out for a bit, chatting and trying to hold Ava, but she would have none of it. The minute I picked her up she started crying - so I naturally gave her to Ari. that didn't help either. Now I know better.

Aliyah was super talkative and everywhere wanting to show us everything. We got out of the house and hung out at their pool for an hour while Helsley and AG played some weird game. Then AG and I checked into our hotel and got ready to meet them later for dinner. Helsley and Ruby took us to a very cute little fusion place and what do I order? Spaghetti and meatballs. It was a lovely evening. The next morning we met up with the family again for coffee before AG and I took off for home.

3 hours later, I walked over to Elaine's house to hang out with folks planning for BM. I couldn't help it, I started to pick up on the BM vibe and even had the nerve to tell people that maybe, just maybe there's a chance we could make it. Of course AG put a stop that talk immediately. Wishful wishful thinking on my part - sigh. I can't believe we're not going this year - it just doesn't feel right.

This morning I had my doctor's appointment and Martini is doing great. I've gained 27lbs - 2 more from last visit. My pelvis is stretching again which means that my back is hurting - but not as bad as before. I was a little upset yesterday when I found small stretchmarks. I was hoping I'd be lucky enough not to get any. So far, they aren't huge and scary looking, just small little ones here and there, mostly below the belly button - and 2-3 on the sides.

Backtracking - Brunch

It's been a couple of weeks since I blogged some pictures - so I'm backtracking a bit to get these in. In early July met up with Nafysa, Colleen and Tameeza for a little early dinner snacks at Tartine's since Nafysa was in town.

Las week - met up with Marmee, Sasha and Kristin for a pregnant women's lunch. Kristin was at 37 weeks and probably at 39 weeks now. Marmee is 2 weeks behind me. Whew, lots of pregnant hormones floating around. It was nice to hear stories of how things were going for the other girls, what they went through etc. We are all carrying our babies differently. It's a trip.

Since then, AG and I have attended 2 Natural Resources Birthing prep classes. I really like our instructor, who's also a doula. She's very straight-forward and medically inclined but with a bias towards natural childbirth. I like that she's not pushy about what decisions people want to make regarding their birthing plan, but wants us all to have all the information we need in order to make the right decision that works for us.
As we are reading the materials in this class, AG and I are leaning more and more towards a natural childbirth. When I first read Inna May's book, I thought - I'll start off doing as much as I can, but if I need an epidural then I'll take it - no need to go through the pain and suffering. What I'm beginning to realize is that our body is supposed to go through the pain. Having any type of an intervention causes a chain reaction that usually leads to either an epidural , an episiotiomy or a c-section. There's so many chemicals going through our body that starts one thing and prepares us for the next stage that if we intervene by introducing foreign unregulated chemicals that mimic the required hormone, the body responds by not making any more of the hormones needed to complete the natural childbirth process. This makes a lot of sense to us. Both AG and I completely believe in the body balancing itself out. I'm a huge fan of not taking prescription medication for anything but what's absolutely necessary. I don't take cold medication - I allow my body to go through the process of identifying and getting rid of the virus/bacteria - and I believe that's why I rarely get sick. My body has learned to fight these virus/bacteria on its own and is very good at doing so if I maintain a good immune system by eating and sleeping well.


Additionally, we're discovering that there are long term effects when there's intervention. For example, having the umbilical cord pulse out completely all the blood and nutrients before cutting it is super important for the health of the baby. Additionally, the first 45 minutes after baby is born is a huge bonding moment with mother and baby and there's so much going on that taking the baby away to clean, weigh, and measure the baby disturbs this bonding and causes some lasting effects later.


I'm not advocating that I have to have a natural childbirth or I'd be disappointed, but I sure am more aware of why it's important to us to have the baby naturally if we can. I wish more people knew about this process. If we haven't read and had this course, I'm not sure I'd know and I think that's worse than knowing and then ending up with a C-section because of circumstances.

Movie night: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

AG and I broke out of our regular routine of sitting in front of the TV and vegging out by having dinner at the Bloomingdale mall (they have higher end mall food ;)) and watching Harry Potter's Order of the Phoenix. The critics gave it a B+ and I would more or less agree with that. It's darker and better than the last 3 or 4 Potter movies, and the acting has improved, but there's still something missing. It's that "umph" or magic that gels a movie together. Perhaps it's missing a soul? During the movie, AG had one hand on my belly so Martini could entertain him throughout the movie as kicked and squirmed for a good 2 hours.

I made it through the movie without having to run to the bathroom, but just barely. Probably wasn't good for me to hold on that long, but we were stuck in the middle with people on both sides and I always feel terrible getting up during the movie and interrupting other people's experience. Probably my last in theater movie until Martini arrives.

One of the previews that caught our attention though was the Golden Compass - out of nowhere. Another fantasy movie, and as AG puts it - what the Narnia movie should have been like - dark, scary and with character development, plot, and depth, not just a CGI experience.

Earlier today I borrowed Mie's birthing ball. We start our childbirth class tonight at 6:30... oh boy - it's all starting to happen... the last things to do before the home stretch. The Natural Resource center subscribes to Ina May's natural childbirth philosophy which I'm so greatful that I've read and agree with.

Week 31

This week, your baby measures about 16 inches long. She weighs a little over 3 pounds and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn her head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

I think I am going into a growth spurt. First part of my 3rd trimester I was starting to get finicky and naseous about food. But starting the last week, I've been eating and eating and drinking large amounts of liquid. I just downed 24oz of ice tea in 15 minutes. My stomache feels stretched at the moment - like I swallowed a bowling ball. And I'm still amazed at how big I've gotten. It's an odd experience. When I'm sleeping and the weight is off me, I don't feel "pregnant" unless I roll over and the weight catches up to me. Mentally I don't see my pregnancy, but when I do catch myself passing by and see the belly - then I impress myself. Last night, my back started aching again and I couldn't find a comfortable position until well past 3am. This morning my sides and ribs ache - probably from Martini kicking me throughout the night.

It was surprising to wake up this morning to a drizzling day. It's not often that it rains during the summer here. But I like it. It's refreshing and god knows we need the rain. It's also warm rain which I love. Perhaps I couldn't sleep last night due to the weather change. I know people who are sensitive to weather changes. I've talked to several friends who loved being pregnant. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I do enjoy the experience of creating life - but I'm not sure I love being pregnant. I miss running, and moving about quickly and getting things done. I miss drinking wine and not always worrying about what I eat to feed Martini. I miss being thin and physical. And I completely miss sleeping on my belly!!!! Maybe mothers romanticize their pregnancy once the baby's out. They do say mother nature has a way of wanting you to forget the discomforts and pains of births/pregnancy so the species can continue. It'll be interesting how I feel about this in a year.

What will Martini look like?

This is the most adorable picture, and one of my favorite baby pictures of AG. Unfortunately I don't have any baby pictures of myself. Yesterday I completed the SF Kaiser hospital tour and for a second it really hit home that I could give birth at anytime after week 36. I imagined being admitted in the Labor room as we walked through the process and my anxiety level increased significantly.

I had controlled many of my fears after reading Ina May's Natural Childbirth several months ago. But yesterday, when I was in the hospital, all those fears and anxiety flooded back. Could have been me seeing a new mom being wheeled out of the delivery room with all these tubes sticking out of her - and she looking so miserable. It's the needles that gives me the chills, and the fact that no matter how nice people are - the environment is still cold and sterile - like a cheap run-down apartment. I don't know how I'm supposed to relax in that environment.

I'm trying to weigh my options between the Walnut Creek facility vs. SF. The WC facility has 2 midwives on duty 24/7 and there's a difference between that type of philosophy and SF's which is more of a physician care philosophy. But if I choose SF - I can stay at home for as long as possible before needing to be admitted. I hope and fantasize that my labor will be more endurable snuggled in bed with AG and soaking in a warm tub with warm candles and soft music playing for as long as possible. I'm glad our birth preparation classes start soon - knowing what to expect will help alleviate some anxiety. This train of thought led me down the birthing path what Martini will look like.

So I grabbed a baby picture of AG and tried to remember what I looked like then mentally merged "us" together. It's difficult to project from this excerise, but she could look like AG with almond eyes and darker hair/skin. The last several babies I've seen, the girls have looked a lot like their dad. I have to agree with my parents that AG is prettier than me and I wouldn't be diappointed at all if Martini took after her dad. Those curls are pretty darn cute and I would die for those eyebrows.

Week 30

Here we are - week 30 - 75% of the way there. If everything works out right, only 10 more weeks to go. Martini and I have a doctor's appointment today at 2pm and another Kaiser hospital tour (of SF) tomorrow evening. Still weighing in at 150lbs, although these last 2 weeks I've been waking up hungrier than usual and needing something in my belly by 6am. She's up at that time too, kicking and squirming and whatever else she's doing in there. Wouldn't be too surprised to gain another 10lbs before she's here. As you can see, my belly button has popped out and the linea negra is showing up more.

Been having some shin splints pain, with all the weight I'm carrying, mostly on the left foot. It kept me up a bit Sunday evening and yesterday too, but today it's subsided. Could also be calcium depletion, so I drank 2 glasses of organic whole milk last night - as a chaser to my 2 chocolate chip cookies of course ;).

Here's the magic three legged frog my mom and Mr. T bought for AG and I in hopes of bringing in great wealth to our house. We turn him to face the world during the day where he sucks up good energy and then face him inwards in the evening to release the good energy back into the house. He hasn't done much lately, but he looks cool. And of course, an adorable picture of the 4-legged monsters as they nap by my feet. I took them on a walk last night to our local Safeway and rolled them around in the shopping cart in the store. It felt good to get out of the house since we all took a nap from 6-8pm in the living room together. The breeze was cool but refreshing and the walk did us good.



We've been working on the back yard a bit too - I found this great futon sectional on craigslist and can't wait to reupholster it. It's firm and space efficient. Now to get rid of the jungle back there. Anyone interested in an 8 foot orange tree and 4 foot mexican lime tree? I love it, but it's completely outgrown the yard.

Work has calmed down quite a bit, and I've been demotivated to do much anyways, except for what needs to be done immediately. It's almost the middle of July - halfway through summer - I can't believe how quickly time is passing by. Lately, I've been a little detached from reality and living more in my own little world. The little things I used to worry about aren't taking on as much significance - like projects at work and around the house, and all the summer activities that I want to do. I'm not sure if anything has replaced my new reality - sometimes I feel as if I'm walking through a dream - a little foggy and dazed. There are bursts of sharpness that drags me back to reality - but it's only out of necessity (usually work related). It's not a bad place to be at the moment. I feel a sense of calm - but I'm not used to watching myself through a lens. No, I'm not smoking anything... perhaps it's a part of the pregnancy I haven't read about.... giving your mind and body a chance to relax before the little one comes.