3rd of July

Image by Camera Slayer via Flickr

It's been months since I've been here. I'm a passenger on the the bullet train. For a month I was unemployed and enjoying life, hoping to spend time with Aesha and do some research while living off unemployment for several months. A much needed break. As luck would have it, I was called by a recruiter for a position in the city.

After working for years in all the outlaying areas of SF: San Ramon, Petaluma, Mountain View, Sunnyvale, etc; I've been dying to get and work in the city so when this opportunity arose, I had to take it. Not to mention I didn't know how bad the economy would get and it's always better to have money in the bank.

So I started work at Schwab's as a contractor last week. Meanwhile we had to find a daycare solution - which in the end is working out better than we thought. After much intense googling and researching on the internet, we decided to think outside the SF box. My Oakland search for daycare found a sweet Vietnamese couple (older) who have 4 boys (3 of which are in college), the other only 12 years old. It's only 1.5 miles away from AG's work.

With a new housecleaner and the puppies finding a new home - I'm on my way to streamlining our lives. Still doesn't leave me with the time I'd like to have with Aesha and the projects I've interested in starting and finishing; but it's headed in the direction we want.

Life is pleasant...

Evolution of the word "Mom"

Time - what a trip it is. Some days it flies by and other moments drag. Each decade of my life, it picked up speed. After Aesha was born, it doubled its momentum. There are times when I can't remember what life was like before Aesha, can't remember what it was like not being a mother.

Received an email from a friend of mine about being a mother, and it made me think about how much that word has evolved for me over the past 2 years....I wrote this email to my dear friend KT who just became mom to twin boys.

"I was just writing in my blog the other day about how I didn't feel like a "mom" for a really long time. I couldn't identify with that word. It felt so strange to be a mom and not identify with what it means. After a year - that's when that word finally kicked in. It takes awhile to build the late nights, scurrying to the crib when they cry, watching through the back of your head when someone else is holding them, holding your breath if you don't hear them breathing or able to watch their bellies rise and fall to show signs of life. So many things it takes through a period of time before I was able to really identify with that word.

And now, that word is a part of me and not sure sometimes how to identify myself without it. I don't know if that makes any sense. Just like when you get married I suppose. Sometimes you can identify yourself as being "married" a wife to someone, a partner. And sometimes it takes awhile to say it long enough and to do the things together as married people do before it sinks in. I still can't identify with the word marriage or wife yet. Probably b/c Ari and i haven't gotten married :).

Otherwise, I'm doing great. Still not enough time in the day to get things I want done. I look behind me each week and wished I had more time... more time to be with Aesha, more time to be with my friends, more time to do all the projects around the house and for myself that I know Toni the trooper would have done. Otherwise, being a mom has been amazing and wonderful and so happy for you. "

And so it began...

AG sent me this picture today appropriately entitled "And so it began." This is one of many pictures taken by our doula during the 4 excruciating days of my labor. We are exhausted in a hotel room haven gone through 12 hours of labor - driving to Walnut Creek Kaiser because SF was full, my contractions were 2 - 4 minutes apart and upon getting to the clinic, was told that we were only 1% dilated. It was heart breaking. I was 95% effaced but Aesha's head was stuck (we find out later) and didn't hit the head of the cervix, so it wouldn't dilate.

I had a sneaky suspicion she was stuck - and told my doula. We spent the rest of the day in the hotel room recovering, and when the contractions started increasing in strength again, tried all we could to push Aesha out of her position. It was extremely painful to do this. I wished I would have gone to a chiropractor or someone to help more had I known the situation.

Long story short, she came out 3 days later via a cesarean and a vacuum and our lives haven't been the same. Last night AG was on baby duty because I hadn't slept for the last week. Which meant that AG got 45 minutes of sleep at one given time. No wonder we are all still sick and not recovering well. But we would rather have last night than another night like the one here...

Someday, she will have a child of her own and I get to be the doting grandmother and give the baby back after 11pm. And I will chuckle quietly with evil glee to see her in the same state as me.

Sleeping in her own bed

That sounds too dramatic. She went to sleep in her own bed I'm not sure she'll be there all night (that will be another milestone to post). Lately I've been trying to keep Aesha on a schedule and I hope it's working. I pick her up from daycare around 5:30. It's been nice outside so we've gone to the park or walked around in her little cow harness. Get home and I clean up a bit while she keeps busy in the kitchen doing god knows what. Today, she spent most of that time dumping her bag of cookies into a tupperware, then dropping them into a clean bottle. By 6:30 we get ready to take a bath together.

I've been teaching her how to pull down her pants and pull them up in the morning (getting ready for potty training). We get into the tub and bath until 7pm, put on pjs and she helps me feed the dogs by 7pm. Then we get a snack - usually I'm cooking dinner and she plays on top of the counter. We eat, and by 8pm, brush teeth and head into the bedroom. Tonight I asked if she wanted to snuggle in her bed while we read a couple of books. She loved the idea, don't know why I didn't think of it sooner.

Her favorite books are: (i) Where is Baby's Belly Button? (ii) Good Night Sleepy Head and (iii) Farm animals - where we name the animals and make their sounds. The turkey is her favorite - gobble gobble. Thanks Grandmas for all the great books. While reading the last book to her, I give her a bottle. We finish reading, I turn down the lights even more while she plays quietly with her little stuffed animals - hugging and kissing their toes, mimicing me. Finally, I turn on the music and lay my head next to her on the bed. She grabs my head and pulls me close to hug me, sometimes she even kisses me (so cute). And tonight she fell asleep in her bed within 5 minutes. This is huge for me. I've always had to carry or hold her for her to sleep and tonight, it was so easy - I couldn't believe it. She was asleep by 9:15pm.

I've taken the longer route and not forced her into something she wasn't ready for... It feels really good for me that we got here together without a struggle - it felt natural. All the sleepless months are worth every minute of feeling this natural transition.

Kombucha Tea

About a month ago, a colleague at work bought me my first Kombucha Tea. I had an immediate rush of "high" at work and was quite impressed with its affects. I looked up the benefits of Kombucha Tea, it's origins and was amazed that I hadn't been drinking this sooner. Well, they sell it for $3.99 a bottle Mollie Stone's. You can purchase it for a dollar less at WholeFoods, but it's still quite an expensive daily splurge, especially for two.

I immediately brought AG into the fold and we were both interested in partaking it on a daily basis. So for the last month, we've been drinking 16oz a daily. When I realized that I wanted this to be a daily part of our lives for the rest of our lives, I began looking into brewing the stuff myself. Everything I read on the internet suggested that it was quite easy to do, just a little cumbersome and messy... then I stumbled upon a system that marketed itself as a "continuous brewing system." Meaning that you buy a pot with a spigot so you can continue adding tea to the concoction and pour out of the spigot so you don't have to rewash and resanitize all your equipment. This system was charging over $200. Although I was tempted and ready to pork out the cash to purchase the system (for convenience's sake), my Procurement background had me do the extra steps to research the total cost of the system myself. I discovered that I could purchase each separate item, the ceramic pot with the spigot, the SCOBY (the "Symbiotic Culture") for less than $60.

I then went online and found tons of information on how to brew it myself. It takes about 5 days to brew it initially, and if you want it to be effervescent then another 5 days to bottle it and allow errervescence to do its magic. I added a squeeze of lime for taste, and yesterday AG and I drank the first of the bottled brew and it was delicious. Almost as good as the stuff at the store. I say almost because the bottled tea we buy at the store had other flavors. I've since begun my second batch and am now ready for bottling. This time I'll add ginger and lemon.

If you haven't already researched the benefits of this tea, you should check out some at www.getkombucha.com - this is where the guy is selling his full brewing system. He has a blog on his site where tons of people have written to respond and provide feedback on the benefits to them. People who had diabetes didn't need to take their insulin shots when drinking the tea daily. From my research it appears that the culture in the tea is probiotic and has great stomache enzymes that will help the digestive system, thereby providing support to the rest of our internal systems.

I'm very psyched that my tea has turned out so well and that it was so easy to brew. It's been awhile since I've allowed myself to set a goal and achieve it. So much lately has been about just taking care of the daily stuff and getting through the week. I know we are just around the bend and things will be getting easier with Aesha. In the meantime, life continues and I have lots of plans.

18 month checkup & Uncle Dave's visit

Yesterday we had Aesha's 18 month check up. She weighed in at 20.75 lbs and is 32.5 inches tall. According to the doctor, she's in the 75% for height. Her weight has climbed in scale and she's back on the charts. Not a lot, but at least we're heading in the right direction. I did ask him whether it was normal for her to: (i) not sleep through the night; (ii) sleeping roughly 11-12 hours instead of the 14 hours; and (iii) still taking the bottle at night..

All normal he said, albeit on the extreme side of the normality range. The positives for being a highly energetic, little sleeper is that she's exploring more of her world (thirst for knowledge) and using more muscles. He thinks she's very lean and muscular which is great. She has a cough that's remained from the flu epidemic at our house in February. So we did get an inhaler to clear her airways - yeah, she loves that.

I'm really happy with her monthly results. She's still keeping us on our toes though. Up at least 2 times per night, but the need for milk 4 times/night has decreased which is a good sign that her stomache is growing and she can hold food longer - and remaining satiated longer as well. Her continous cough has caused some vomiting at night requiring both mine and AG's attention, otherwise, she's one healthy vibrant little girl.

AG on the other hand is trying to kick: (i) pink eye; (ii) head cold and (iii) strep throat (we think). It's taking longer than it should due to lack of sleep. Me, I've just picked up another cough - fun fun fun.

Uncle Dave's visit was a sucess. He arrived last Saturday with just enough time to hang out and relax before we all drove down to Union City for a Vo family retirement party. No. 7 was retiring and his children threw him a grand old party at a Chinese restaurant. Everyone there was related one way or another and No. 7 even came and hugged AG and Dave. Aesha had a great time running around popping bubbles and reaching on her tiptoes to grab anything she could from the kids tables (laid out with toys). She had taken off her shoes and at one point, all I saw were tiny feet/legs arched and small little hands on top of the table searching and grabbing.
She allowed Uncle Dave to feed her later with his noodle game. The rest of the week flew by and by Wednesday Uncle Dave returned to Alberquerque.

This month we have Auntie Loan and Uncle Rob visiting. The sun's been out and it's been gorgeous here in the Mission. Spring's arrived, the garden is busting with new flowers (the orange trees are blooming again) and the maple tree has sprouted beautiful dark leaves.

Working at CoffeeBar

Today I got out of the office and brought my laptop to Coffeebar, located on Florida at 18th. I am the only Dell laptop owner here. It's full of young, hip SF'ers and I wonder what each of these people do for a living. How can they afford to not work, or better yet, what line of work are they in that they can afford to lounge at a coffee shop and work? Makes me wonder why I'm working a 9-5 job.

I love getting out of the office and working in this environment. I'm out of the box and realize that there are so many other ways to make a living besides working for the man... All my professional life has been in an office, 9-5, submitting to the routine of someone else and thinking this is the only way to make it. But it's slowly sinking in that it's not, and that I'm only here because I've chosen to be here. Once I no longer choose to be here, the Universe will open her hands and tell me I have so many choices, it's mind boggling. I think that's where it is. Most people are not as afraid to fail as they are afraid to succeed. I've been marinating in this information for a long time and a day like today puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Having a child also does that too.

Post Flu

The family caught the flu while en route to New Orleans. Aesha came down first, but it was mild. We flew in Tuesday night and ordered Mexican food since everything around the area was closed. The next day, it was warm and windy out as we taxi'd to AG's work and walked home. Aesha and I walked the Riverwalk while AG worked. By evening we were ready for a good meal. Since Aesha was sick, we couldn't venture too far. Next door to the Wyndham was a cute restaurant and we ordered a dozen oysters, 2lbs of boiled crawfish and two marinis.

The crawfish were small, it was early in the season, but the oysters were delicious. After dinner we walked around for a bit and headed home. That night, my throat was sore and achy. The next day while AG went to work, Aesha and I hung out at home because I was too tired to take her out. She destroyed our room and by the time AG came home at 5ish, I could barely hand her over before passing out. AG took Aesha to French Quarter for a couple of hours and when they returned, I had enough strength to put on some clothes to go out and grab food with them. The Mardi Gras atmosphere was building. The French Quarter was beginning to get filled with revelers and musicians. We ate at Bubba Gumps - not the best choice, but made do since Aesha was being spicy. After dinner we wound our way to Cafe Du Monde and had the best beignets and steamed coffee. At home, my fever started to climb and by the next morning, I was in the 102's. It was Friday and we were ready to leave the hotel to stay for the weekend at the company flat.

During this transition, we lost some baby shoes and AG's bathroom bag. AG had to run out, rent a car and pack everything while I lay huddled in the corner shivering and achy. He got us all packed and in the car, and within 10 minutes we were on the other side of the French Quarter. Once we got to the beautiful flat, it was much bigger and had much needed amentities, like a microwave to heat up milk and a fridge to keep it cold. We stayed there through the evening. AG went out with Aesha to bring back jambalaya and gumbo. I couldn't eat anything. But by nightfall, my fever was starting to break and by morning, I was feeling well enough to call Lacar, a friend from the old days.

Saturday afternoon we met up with Lacar at the French Market and had lunch together. Then we walked all over the French Quarrter. By 5pm, we were near Olivier's, a great restaurant - had a wonderful romantic Valentine's dinner while Aesha slept. After dinner we headed to Canal street hoping to catch Aesha's first Mardi Gras parade. It was a lot of work to keep a 16 month old in her car seat for over an hour while we waited, but it was worth it. She caught tons of beads and had a wonderful time. We had been out all day and couldn't wait to get home.

The next morning was Sunday and AG was feeling really crummy. Aesha and I went out to the French Market so AG could sleep. We returned around 11am, and got packed for our flight at 5pm. By 2pm, we were ready to find that last wonderful meal. Tons of doggies everywhere dressed up for the Dog Parade. Next to the French Market was an outside cafe displaying the signage that they had the best Gumbo in town. Of course we were skeptical, but when we asked the waitress, she confirmed. So we sat and ordered, and it was the best Gumbo I've had. By this time, Mardi Gras was in full swing and the streets were packed with honking cars and people streaming everywhere. AG flagged down a cab, and we headed back to the flat, picked up our baggage and drove straight to the airport. Both AG and Aesha were beginning to show signs of the flu. And when we landed that night at midnight, it was pouring rain in SF. The next few days were a blur as I tried to take care of both, but mostly Aesha since AG slept feverishly most of the time.

In summary, a wonderful trip, but I wish we weren't always so susceptible to sickness. It was tough being sick at the same time, but thankfully, there was a 2 day lag and I was able to recover enough to take care of my family. My cough has lingered for over a week, but I'm feeling the last of it leaving today....

Happy year of the Ox

I spoke with my good friend KC who moved to Japan. She says in Japan, it's actually the year of the cow. Potatoes, Potaaatoes... I know, but there is a big difference between a cow and an ox; not to mention a water buffalo. I tell people I'm the boar, not the pig. Boars are big, wild; a dangerous intelligent creature to be wary of - whereas the perception of a pig is pure domestication - which would you rather be called?

On the news front, my sister had a baby girl - Phoebe Nguyen born on January 29th at 4:37am weighing in at 7lbs 15 oz. What a monster. I was expecting her to have very little hair, but fortunately for Phoebe, she didn't join the "No Hair" baby club that Aesha chairs. She's a little cutie - you can check out her blog at http://y-tien.blogspot.com/.

What else is new? Aesha is almost weaned. Doesn't mean she doesn't gets mad when I don't give her the nipple. When I'm too tired to negotiate with her, I give her the nipple and within 5 minutes, she asks for the bottle b/c ain't much for her to get. She's been drinking a ton of milk, which is great, but unfortunately, I'm still having to get up every 2 hours to warm the milk in a bottle for her (because no way in hell she's drinking cold milk or even tepid milk. It has to be the right temperature, not too hot, not too cold.) The last two nights have been brutal. The night before, she woke up 5 times and drank 5 bottles of milk. Last night, I couldn't get the bottle warmed up fast enough, and she let me have it for 30 minutes. Finally, I was too exhausted to care and let her cry it out to sleep while holding her. Otherwise, she's been an angel.

More words... Yesterday after swim class, she actually said "water." Other words in her vocabulary: Moooooon; noonooo (noodle), bubba (bubble), dada.... but her favorite word is still no and momma. Momma is used for everything - she says momma when she wants to know where I am, when she wants something to eat, when she wants to be picked up, and when she's dreaming. It's both heart warming and exhausting. During these times when I think about having another, I age 10 more years.

The family is scheduled for our first vacation. We are heading to New Orleans and luckily it just so happens to fall on the weekend before the culmination of Mardi Gras. It's perfect. We will fly in Feb. 10th and leave on the 15th. Mardi Gras festivies begin on the 14th. We'll be there 2 days into it and leave right before the craziness begins. Unfortunately for me, crawfish season doesn't start until March, so my dreams of eating 2lbs of crawfish per sitting won't be fulfilled. I'll have a beignet instead.

2009 - Yes We Can

2008 is over, and here is 2009. Reflecting on 2008 - I don't want to dwell too long on the negatives, since it' not within my nature; but it has been a turbulent year. Deaths of my friend Otto, of Tikva and births - Charlie and several others. What have I learned from my experiences in 2008?

1. Being a mom is extremely rewarding

2. Finding my individuality - while being a mom and a partner

3. Savoring contentment at home 4. Life continues whether you're ready for it or not.

Struggles:

1. Finding balance with work and home life and looking to live out my dreams

2. To work for myself

3. To find my life's passion

Accomplishments:

1. New work position making more money, closer to home and enjoying the people/work

2. More open, compassionate and patient

3. Letting go of the little things - working on the bigger pictures

4. Smelling roses and enjoying my life, my daughter and my love (AG)

5. Acceptance of my limitations, and working towards my passion

In 2008 I went back to work fulltime after having a baby. My work was stressful and my manager was difficult, and yet I worked through it and became a better person. I took on more responsibilities at work, I made the best of a work situation, and I got out from that position and landed a better job. Working full time and raising a child is exhausting - but AG and I have had the best times. Our lives are more enriched with Aesha's presence and I've become more accountable to myself and to the world because of her.

The best part of 2008 is the beginning of hope for 2009. Since the election of President-elect Obama; my spirits have been high even in the worst economic downturn. Hope can make things happen. Hope that the American people want a better way of life, that we're not all greedy bastards intent on killing the earth for our selfish needs. Hope that people are good, that there are enough good people out there ready to make a change. That hope is infused in my daily life and I feel almost buoyant. Life is still a struggle, but knowing that we are in this together, and collectively we understand this, makes a huge difference. It takes a lot of energy to be cynical, and we've been cynical for so long.

So for 2009 - I'm coming into this year with a lot of hope. There's change in the air, feels as if the earth has just shifted again - and we are going down a better path. I want to ride this wave of hope and change - and make some shifts in my personal life. Hoping to be able to write a longer accomplishment list in 12 months.