Seattle - A sparkly jewel

Aesha and I flew out Friday night for Seattle. She is the best travel buddy. We got to the airport and wouldn't you know, the one time I didn't bring her birth certificate (because the last 3 times we brought it, no one bothered to ask), the guy asks me. Of course he let me off this time...

We made it through security - but it was a little hectic with Aesha in the Ergo, my backpack with my laptop, taking off my shoes and jacket, all while holding onto Aesha, my driver's license & boarding pass. It was even trickier putting everything back on, but somehow I managed. We got to our gate and I let her loose on the carpet. She is intent on using her newfound crawling skills. By the time we boarded and were seated, she was ready to pass out. It was 9:30pm and past her bedtime. She slept the entire flight. while we were descending I placed her back into the ergo and she slept through the landing and all the airport announcements as I got to baggage claims. Mr. T was waiting for us. She even slept through me installing her car seat, getting her in the car seat and driving all the way home. She actually didn't wake up except for the few times in the night to continue nursing. In the morning, my mom scooped her up and hijacked her into their room. It didn't take but a minute before little Ms. Aesha let it be known, she wasn't having it. My mom returned her to me within 5 minutes.

But of course I was already awake, it was our usual 6:30am wakeup time. At noon, people began arriving and the BBQ began. That was when I noticed that Aesha's 2nd tooth barely peeking out from the gums! Whoohoo. Her first one came in two months ago and the 2nd one is right next door. I've been waiting for the rest of her teeth to come in since she's been working the first one to death.

It was a scorcher - 87 degrees in the shade. I ate mostly watermelon for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Aesha and I had walked around my mom's yard all day. I wanted to show her the brilliant reds in the tiger lillies, and to touch and smell the white and orange roses. Seattle is gorgeous when it's sunny and hot. The sky was clear blue and I could see the white peaked mountains. Aesha loved sitting on the grass as she touched each blade. With all the flowers blooming and the trees and grass so green, and the sky so clear with no clouds, Seattle was like a sparkly buffed diamond.

Today Aesha and I have been hanging out on the deck, smelling the flowers, listening to wind chimes, playing in the water fountain and waiting for small breezy drafts to cool us down. I was nostalgic for all the summer days in Longview and Seattle when I had the time to lay in the grass and listen to the lawn mower or a plane in the distance. I even ate a cream puff... someone stop me... I'm going for another....

Earlier, we met up with Loan and Rob. It was great to see them and catch up on gossip about the people we both knew. I wasn't ready to head back home yet, so we stopped in the mall. I bought a couple of dresses, but generally am ready to implement a workout regime. I've been waiting for little Miss Sunshine to get tired so I can take a nap, but she's happily munching on a carrot and talking to all her toys. Tomorrow evening we head to Portland.

9 Month check up - new stats

So we have the new stats for Aesha's 9 month checkup. She is 16lbs and 1 ounce and she is 27 inches long. We have a new doctor, Dr. Treece, who AG and I like very much. He didn't push immunization at all and assumed when I said she wasn't getting any shots today that I had a separate immunization schedule for her. Then he was talking TO Aesha which I really liked, and got down to her level while she was on my lap.

Although she is in the 10% in weight, Dr. Treece believes she's fine since her height and head circumference is good. He was also very impressed with her vocalizations since Aesha had a lot to say. Per Dr. Treece, she is very advanced in this area. Of course I am feeling sheepishly proud of this fact. He did request that we do a blood sample on Aesha just to check whether she is anemic and whether she's been exposed to any lead poisoning. AG and I took her afterwards to get some bloodwork, but the nurse there was terrible. First she pronounced Aesha's name incorrectly (which I don't mind) but when I corrected her she said (under her breath) that it didn't matter. I didn't catch this until later. That should have been a first clue. Then she stuck Aesha 5-6 times because she couldn't find a vein. It was terrible, and she didn't show any emotion about it at all when Aesha was crying. Finally, AG told her to stop and that we'd come back another time. We did not like this woman. I was steaming mad after we left. Next time, I won't have a problem requesting someone different immediately if they say that my baby's name doesn't matter!

Last night, Uncle Dave flew into town for an Aikido tournament or something rather. This morning, I had some time to catch up with him while he tried to charm Aesha. We spent a lovely afternoon chatting for a bit before he left for his Aikido.

Tomorrow Aesha and I fly to Seattle for my mom's 60th birthday and Monday we will take the Amtrak down to Portland to visit my dad who hasn't seen her since November. I'm excited for them to see her. The other exciting news is that my sister is 5 weeks pregnant. Exciting because now my mom will have another grandchild to spoil. I'm very excited for them, I know they've been trying for quite some time.

The 4 legged creature has emerged

Friday night, AG took over while I attended a seminar with Padma after work in the south bay. It's a seminar on "How to Get out of your Box." Mark Johnson, my VP at Veritas is hosting this new company. He's quite an interesting character and there's much to learn from him, regardless of the form he provides it in. As part of the reading, "How to Talk to Yourself When you Talk to Yourself," I'm realizing that we have all been programmed so frequently on what we can't do, we have been limited and boxed in on what we can do. It's also making me aware of how I want to speak to Aesha.

Saturday we hung out for a bit and by 1pm, AG's friends came into town. It was 91 degrees in the city, and like her father, Aesha does not fare well in the heat. She was tired, hungry and cranky. The heat suppressed her appetite, but she was still hungry, which was frustrating for her. By the end of the day, she and I were exhausted and I took her to bed with me at 10pm. Sunday morning we all went out for a walk to Philz Coffee before AG's friends left town. Then we put Aesha on the floor and away she went... she's definitely crawling now. No longer doing the stomache shuffle, the "rocking horse", nor the back-herself-into-the-corner crawl. She's moving and this is the beginning of a new era for us all. The first thing she went for was the dog food and AG had to sprint to catch her in time before she took a handful. Then I scattered trinkets down the hallway to entice her. She made it with lots of grunts and smiles.

She had so much energy the entire day - we didn't know what was happening. By 9pm, she was crawling all over us in bed and wouldn't stay still. I thought I had caused some brain damage by allowing her to watch some tv earlier, and was relieved to hear from Ven that Jeven had the same thing happen on his first few days of learning to crawl. They are just so excited to be moving about on their own that they can't stop. Finally, I held Aesha down, cuddled in my bed with the lights off and no distractions. She drifted off to sleep mumbling by 9:30pm. She slept all night and even this morning, I had to wake her up to drop her off at daycare. I can't wait to see what she does next.

9 months

As of Sunday, Aesha is 9 months. There's a big shift occurring in her. She's eating food 90% of the time and only nursing 10% - usually in the mornings or at night when she needs comfort and liquids - since she's very much like me and doesn't enjoy water. I'm working on making water a habit.

So far she's loving everything, especially steamed carrots and zuchini. Yesterday I boiled some purple potatoes for her and she loved it. In her food repertoire we also have organic eggs (steamed) and today I included bits of tender chicken from my homemade chicken veggie soup (I had made for AG). Hoping to get an update on that this afternoon. I added a big chunk of sweet potatoe and lots of these squirly little pastas made out of veggies (from Trader Joe's). She and I went shopping at Wholefoods yesterday and also grabbed some organic red grapes. She gobbles these down as well. I also bought organic lentils which I'll try to make tonight or tomorrow night. Her favorite new game is to spit out everything I put in her mouth and then play with it.

Last night, while AG was working late, I tried to let her put herself to sleep. She lay wailing for over an hour, grabbing her ears, writhing in emotional agony and making herself hoarse. I picked her up once just to check her diapers. Eventually, I could not handle it and held her for awhile... She was still sobbing and holding on tight. Then I nursed her and put her back down. At this point she was too tired to struggle much. I also leaned over the crib and put my head on her chest so she could smell me even in her sleep. She passed out almost immediately, but it took me another 5 mintues to untangle her fingers from my hair.

She slept until midnight and then I brought her into the bed with me and we snuggled until AG came home at 6:30 this morning from work. Am missing her very much today. All of a sudden, I'm feeling as if her babyhood is almost gone and part of me wants to selfishly hold on to that for as long as I can. Seeing pictures of Tikva, so small, so vulnerable, made me nostalgic for those times ... www.growinginside.blogspot.com. Babies are wonderful in that way, they make you forget about everything and remind you what is important about life. Yes, the job pays the bills and we are always trying to catch up on bills...but it's the little beating hearts and the gummy smiles that makes our hearts melt and turn mushy - it's like falling in love, every day.

Friday 13th

Too bad this day gets such a bad rep. My Friday has been great even though AG and I have had 3 nights of very little sleep. Our little princess is yes, sick again. This is the 7th time in 7 months and I'm not counting. I know in the end it's good for her immune system to get the workout, but it's killing her parents. Anyways, after a good hot shower and some time with my caffeine buddy, I'm ready to take down the world; or until 8pm whichever occurs first.

Aesha is still in her "Attachment" to me phase. However, if we keep her distracted (with anything) she will forget for a period of time. The other place she is very happy to be at, thankfully, is at her daycare. They truly miss her and when I drop her off, she is so happy, she forgets that I'm leaving. She's only cried once when I left her that, last week when she wasn't feeling great. I had a great revelation driving to work this morning after dropping her off at daycare. I used to feel guilty that I didn't see her for almost 12 hours on M, W and Fridays. But now, I realize, this is her time, this daycare; where she can be stimulated by someone other than AG and I. She's actually happy to be there and there's no reason for me to feel guilty, and that took a load off.

If it weren't for the "going to bed" tantrums every night where she fights us both one tooth and ten nails, she'd be the happiest baby on the block. Oh yes, she is so close to crawling. On her hands and knees often, rocking back and forth but always falling back down... she'll get it soon, and then we'll wished she hadn't.

Life is amazing ---

Remembering a Beatuiful Black Man

Sunday, AG and Aesha went with me to remember a beautiful man. I met Otto almost 9 years ago. As a matter of fact, I remember the exact day we met, even the exact circumstances. I was hanging out with an ex (Nigel) - it was July 14th 1999 at the French Bastille party downtown. In comes this huge beautiful black man. The Bastille party is held every year in SF between two alleyways and it is completely filled, bodies to sweating bodies. Otto is not an easy guy to miss. Somehow, he got my number and said he'd call to hang out. A couple of weeks later, I run into Otto at a club - and he swoops in for a huge kiss. Later that night he called and we talked from 3am to 6am. He was trying to persuade me to leave my Sausalito pad to come into the city and hang out with him, he was even willing to come pick me up. But it didn't happen, I was too tired. But we talked for hours that night, about his travels, trips to Africa, I loved his spirit.


We hung out several more times, a trip to Tahoe.... Otto and I became friends. I'd see him out of the blue at BM. The first night with AG, on our way home, we ran into Otto at the dome, me in my tag-raggled blonde afro-wig, pedaling with one foot on my bike, the other dragging on the ground. AG still remembers that meeting. The next year, AG and I are taking a shower at camp, and who comes biking down the dirt road to say hi to me while I'm butt naked, Otto. And all the times I'd see him at Power to the Peaceful passing out flyers for the after party that benefited SF children.

8 months ago, Otto was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer - and I really really believed if anyone could beat it, he could. His spirit is so dominatingly bright, he had so much love from so many people. He was courageous - he blogged about his experience online www.ottoschutt.com. But due to complications, Otto died last week. I have been mourning the loss of such a beautiful man and bright light and remembering him all week. AG says that perhaps the people who shine the brightest, burn out faster, or perhaps (I like this version better), Otto was needed elsewhere.

I have not had to deal with death this close before. Otto's death has made me believe that there must be another plane of existence. I can't imagine that something/someone so beautiful as Otto - so happy and full of life, would just extinguish, as if not existing at all. I can't explain it, out of nowhere, I just believed that there must be....I used to be so afraid of death. The fear stems from the finality and not believing that there is another existence, being away from those you love.

At his memorial on Sunday - we contributed a succulant to plant in his garden. His love, Indra, is so beautiful and bright herself. I watched as his father dug into the ground and I couldn't imagine the pain of having to bury your child. The community that held him that day were all beautiful people. Aesha was too sick for us to continue the memorial, but everyone walked to Twin Peaks to scatter his ashes over SF, the beautiful city he loved. There are tons of pictures of Otto on flickr http://www.flickr.com/groups/ottoschutt/pool/. I found these two pictures of us at one of Otto's birthday party his friends threw for him. He was such a beautiful spirit, and made a huge impact on all who knew him; I hope that they need him more where he has gone....