Weddings Abound

Our friend Lori finally asked his sweetheart Amanda... I'm so happy for them both. He's a really sweet and great guy - whom we met at Cirque Du Soleil 3 years ago. She's been in medical school and just graduated, and he's been traveling all over the states with the circus. They've still managed to make it work, and hopefully now they'll be able to settle down together in one place.

Congratulations Lori and Amanda!

Happy Bday Helsley and Congrats KAT

This weekend I honor two big events in the lives of my amigos. Saturday night we celebrated KT's and Azita's engagements. She's ready to move on to the next phase of her life - wife and mother.

Also, happy birthday to my beloved Helsley. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without knowing them. They've loved me and supported me and helped shape who I am today. In return, I've taken them on journeys to which they've alarmingly followed me without question. The amazing friendship we share is uncommon. I know it is, even in the liberal circle that I flitter with - it's rare. There is no judgment among us, there is only acceptance and support and hopes that we will all find happiness, fulfillment and love. And through it all, we have each other to lean on, to share our thoughts and heartaches, and to recharge when the world has taken a little too much from us.

They are both kind, generous and good souls that balance out my cynical and often opinionated self. They give me hope that people are intrinsically good. I hope their partners can recognize their beautiful spirits and appreciate their strengths b/c I'd be a meaner and uglier me without them.

PS - I love this picture of them... as it represents one of the many journeys where Helsley entrusted his mental and physical well being to me and KT allowed me to dress her up in my BM outfits.

FEARS

I'm dedicating this post to Fears, my fears. I've been doing a lot of internalizing, thinking, redirecting my focus and envisioning my life in the next 5, 10 - 15 years. Coasting along has been fine for the last 8 years. It's been fun, it's made me lazy, and I've even come out financially better off. But I'm done with this cycle. Granted that in every aspect of my life - I'm even better off than I've ever been - but I want more. I've finally come to accept that desiring more does not mean I'm unhappy. I'm very happy and thankful for what I have. I love my life, my house is comfortable, my friends are amazing, my health is great and I'm more financially secure than many. There's not a day where I question my happiness. I'm ready to start planning. I'm ready to change course. What's standing in my way is FEAR. What am I afraid of? Perhaps if I start writing down these fears, I can actually face them, rationalize, resolove, and hopefully squish them to smithereeens...(jk).

What's my demon? The obvious answer is failure. But that is just the first layer. What are the consequences if I fail? Besides the financial repercussions? What I'm more afraid of is the shame of failing. I realize that I equate failure with stupidity and shame (my god, I think guilt and shame are basics that are taught in every Asian household). In trying to understand this association with shame and failure, I tried stepping into the shoes of a friend. What if my friends started a business and failed? How would I perceive their failures? In all honesty, I'd be very impressed with their courage. So why do I have two standards? Why am I so hard on myself? I'm not sure yet, but it's a good step towards realizing the self limitations of allowing fear to rule.

I have many more fears connected with changing the financial course of my life. Fear of the unknown, paycheck security, fear of being in over my head... But shame is the biggest demon. I'm not close to overcoming these fears, but I feel a lot more courageous just talking about them. Even as I type, there's a part of me that is thinking twice about posting these thoughts, and the other part of me knows that if I do, I'm one step closer.

Which leads to me thoughts of XT, and what she had faced in making her decision to leave a secured paycheck, where she's comfortable, where's she's needed, as well as leaving her community to find her path. I always knew her decision was courageous, but right now, I'm feeling the courage of her actions more than her words. There's a huge difference in that, and my hat's off to you XT.

I'm a believer in action. Thoughts, ideas, intentions are great, but without action to support them, they don't have quite the same punch. So here I am forcing my own hand to act, to be a participant and not an observer. To get back into the game and risk some skin. I know I'm in for some rough bumpy rides (and I hope it won't take too many bumps), but I really believe that if I stick to it, if I get back up on my feet when I fall, I won't regret it. I'll learn some good lessons. Failing is gonna be rough, but it won't kill me. But if I don't try, I will regret it all my life.

Life is going by so fast

Goddamn, the stress of taxesis over! I'm so proud of AG for finishing 4 days before they were due.

And I have the perception that life is going warp speed this year. Not to mention there's a baby craze happening. They are popping up everywhere. Someday we'll get to sit on our stoops and talk about how good the old days were and how so and so is just like his/her momma/poppa.

Thankfully, AG and I spent a relaxing weekend hanging out. Friday night we watched our Warriors beat Phoenix. Our final home game is tonight against Portland, and if we win it will be a sweet ending to a rollercoaster season.

Saturday, I got up and spent another weekend doing community service - IN THE RAIN. Oh god, one more weekend to go. It does feel good to have contributed to our beautiful city. It's nice getting up at 8am on weekends - NOT.

Spent the rest of Saturday napping to make up for sleep depravation. Finally got up at 9pm, whole day wasted lounging around in between napping spurts. Went to Shelaine's. Man, I miss hanging out with them. They've become so close, even more so since we bought houses near each other. As usual, they entertained us for quite awhile with stories on how they were "turked" during their trip to Turkey. Then headed home for a slumber party upstairs to snuggle and watchTV. Sunday was a lounge around the house in underwear day. I love walking around in underwear, it's so comfortable and efficient b/c I don't have to dirty another set of clothes. We did go for a walk with the pups to grab a milkshake. Got home just as it started to rain rain rain rain rain.

Tomorrow, we both get a much needed haircut. 

Confession for a Consession?

2-3 years ago Smess had a birthday party for SuperHeros and SuperFreaks. This was my CandyGirl outfit... I didn't get a lot of confessions, but I did give away lots of consessions ;).

I've also been tagged by my dear friend Kerry and I'm responding because I've enjoyed what I've learned about from other friends who've been tagged.

Four jobs I've had in my life (especially interesting or unusual ones!) : oh gody, my career has not been interesting
1. Picking strawberries for the summer - got into lots of strawberry fights and I made lots of strawberry jewelry (strawberry necklaces and rings were my favorites)

2. Camp Counselor at the YMCA - for all ages from 6 month old to 13 years old when I was 14... they never knew my age, if they did - I'd have mutiny on my hands

3. Cocktail waitress at the Waikiki Hilton Hotel - right on the water - made tons of money, got lots of attention and even met some movie stars... and learned how to order my drinks: beer first, well drinks next.....

4. Mama to two daschund puppies - this is a job for another 18 years!

Four Movies I would watch over and over:

1. Shawshank Redemption - uplifting and reinforces patience and what you can make of yourself given the hardships one must face in one's life

2. Baraka - keeps my yearning to travel close and alive

3. Charlotte's Web - I choke up every time Charlotte dies, when I was younger I loved Wilbur, but now I see him as a whining ass... I have grown fond of Templeton the Rat - he's a no-nonsense type of guy

4. The Lord of the Ring trilogy - especially the Two Towers

Four places I have lived:
1. Seattle, WA
2. Boston, MA
3. Longview, WA
4. Honolulu, HI

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. old Sex in the City episodes

2. Friends - still makes me laugh

3. Extreme Animals - I just saw an episode on parasites... it's morbid and horrifying - like the bott fly that lays eggs in mosquitos, which then lays eggs into humans and large maggots the size of small gobstoppers develop right underneath the skin, and looks like huge boils. if you pull them out without cutting into the skin, you leave the bulbous part of the maggot inside which rots and turns - you know the rest...Ari got grossed out and day and gave me an ultimatum... turn the channel or he was leaving... i'm fascinated by the world of insects.

4. Extreme Houses - this is a new show that blew me away. Seeing some amazing houses that has secret chambers that people found AFTER they purchased the property. Also, people hid treasures in secret compartments... so exciting.

Places I have vacationed/travelled:
1. Pai & Kho Somui, Thailand
2. Hanoi, Vietnam
3. Paris and Florence
4. Sayulita, Mexico


Four Websites I visit daily: (or too much)
1. Craigslist - I'm addicted, really I am.
2. Gmail
3. Friends blogging sites - addicted now too
4. Friendster - so I can play Text Twist (an annagram game) - yes, I'm addicted


Four of my favourite foods:
1. Soup - almost any type (especially with noodles) except for cold soups
2. Vietnamese food - can eat anytime
3. Crab - oh yum
4. Hearts of Palm in my salad


Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Pai, Thailand
2. Anywhere exotic and lush where I can put a flower in my hair and wear itsy bitsy flowing fragments of clothes
3. BM - where i can wear itsy bitsy fragments of clothes
4. On an adventure - through the jungles of Borneo or snorkeling in the Australian Reefs


Four things I always carry with me:
1. Cell phone
2. ATM Card or cash - I've been stuck without money before and was traumatized
3. Candy - I try to have mints or some hard candy in my purse for the after lunch garlic loving breath
4. Digital Camera: right now, I have one for my blogging site... just in case I see something beautiful or interesting I want to blog about


Four books I've read and love:
1. Ann of Green Gable
2. Wuthering Heights - anything from the Bronte sisters
3. Freakonomics
4. Blink: the power of thinking without thinking


4 Guilty pleasures (this is a new category I've included cuz I think it's fun):
1. Gossip magazines about famous people - Ok, I don't buy them, I only read them at the checkstands
2. TV shows on forensic evidence and biographies of serial killers - morbid morbid morbid
3. Most Extreme Elimination TV show - Right you are Ken
4. Salty prunes, spicy calamari jerkey, sour patch candies, and junk food that is spicy, salty and sweet at the same time
5. 1 more -jackets, anything fuzzy - like jackets, and sexy costumes and Indian jewelry and fabrics

People I am tagging that I think will respond:
1. Padma
2. Helsey
3. Ari
4. Colin
5. if you're received this email 

Date with Miss Sexy XT

I had my date with the sextress xtress. We went to one of her favorite Vietnamese hangouts - Mai's on Clement and 4th - for Bun and Vietnamese sweet and sour soup. Felt like old times just hanging out, catching up on each other's lives. It's been awhile since we've had some good one on one time, and this usually includes really good talks. Talks with XT is deep, when we talk we dive right into the soul. There's few women I have such deep soul talks with.

She also gave me some pictures which she found while preparing for her next adventure. Two pictures I loved, (1) of me and AG Saturday night when we found each other at BM; and (2) my costume at Smesh's birthday party - of a candy girl. I'll scan and post at some point.

I'm so excited for XT and her upcoming adventure. She's working this summer at the Omega Institute for Holistic Medicine in Rhineback, New York, a renowned holistic learning center www.eomegaorg. I hope she will find inspiration and connections that will re-awaken the amazing healer in her.

El Jardin Est a Abiento

AG, the girls and I went out for our walk since the sun was shining and it was warm and gorgeous outside. We took a detour from our regular route and look at what we found, a lush hidden community garden with budha's, gargoyles, mint, flowers, and old bamboo. The guy said the bamboo was planted in 1975 - nice.

How appropriate since I've been talking about my little garden - which I have big plans for this summer. Am thinking of replacing the sliding glass doors with french doors. Pulling out all the so called plants (aka weeds) against the fence and to make room for the benches we made last year. I'd like to tie the bouganvillias so they climb up along the trellis and introduce fragrant climbing jasmine too. So much to do...

Along our walk, we stopped by the old man's hardware store, on Mission and 25th street (owned by two twin old men - hence my name for the store). They are gruff, sweet, cute old men - probably in their 70's and probably have ran that store for over a decade. They have everything there, but nothing is organized. So if you want something, you have to ask them, and they will find it for you. They know every nook and cranny and where every nut and bolt lies. To my eyes, it all looks like someone's garage and everything is stashed wherever there is space. I'm surprised they are still in business since everything is quite inexpensive. For example, I bought some fly strings (like fly paper), for $.59/each. Not used to paying for things under $1.00, can't really even purchase gum for that price anymore. Well, I support mom/pop stores and I love the character they provide to the neighborhood.

On 24th street and Bryant, we stopped by an old Soda Fountain hangout. They still make their own ice-cream, so AG and I bought a pint of Rocky Road and Chocolate Mint ice cream... yum... I love home made everything.

And tonight, I have a date with AG... a traditional date since we never really had the opportunity to do that. A movie, dinner, and possibly even a good night kiss if he's lucky ;).

Spring Spring Spring

Yes, I did have a cup of coffee, and that's a dangerous thing to give to me when I'm already high on life. But I had to post these beautiful flowers I captured on my walk to the bank yesterday with the girls. And I figured, I should blog when I feel like blogging... so there are days you hear nothing from me, and then there are days when all I want to do is talk... cuz really I have too much energy and need to take it out on something that is forgiving.

Flowers flowers flowers, wish we had more of them. They always make me smile.























Here's Lila making new friends when I was in the bank depositing a check. I've noticed how often children are afraid to pet dogs. I can understand if my girls were large and vicious looking, but look at them, they are so small and lovable. It's a sad state when you see children afraid of puppies... how did this happen at such an early age? The news? their parents? what the f&$k? That's too bad. So it was great to see this father bring his child to Lila for some loving.

Fear breeds closed minded people, and that's how we ended up with Bush! Well, I actually have some additional conspiracy theories on how he became president - but hell, like the red states give a shit.

Which reminds me, while we were giggling and uhem, smoking last night, AG came up with a pretty darn funny slogan? hrm, what would you call it... Here it is: a hand in the ass is worth no holes in the bush. Ok, private joke - but I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes. How he can say that with a straight face...
And finally, I wanted to post what I've attached to my cubicle wall cuz this is what's becoming important to me (from left to right):
1. Baby shower invitation for Ann
2. Holiday wedding picture of Ann/Dale
3. Holiday baby picture of Nathan from Sandy/Carla
4. poloroid of me and Sasha at a dot.com event in the glory days
5. thank you card from Tram/Sherman from their wedding
6. Pho queen menu for delivery/takeout at work
7. Baby Aliyah

And b/c it was cropped off, there's a picture of me, Loan and Thuy - from Seattle. 

Friday Donuts and Bagels & French Pressed cup of Joe

Every Friday Symantec provides bagels and donuts for the office. It's a sweet idea, but I keep thinking why donuts? So bad for you, that's how I gained 10 lbs. working at the start up a few years back.

Ok, I won't complain too much since it's free... I just wish more companies would think about the health of their employees, fresh fruit and cereal or something would be a much better fare.

Of course, I say this with a snicker while I grab 2 jelly filled donuts and a sesame seed bagel with locks. :) It's been awhile since I partook of the Friday feast - that's my excuse anyways.
I also wanted to mention my adorable little Bodum French Press. AG got me hooked me on French pressed coffee and I'm ruined for life. No more coffee made from a regular coffee maker... no sir, it tastes like shit. We have a larger press at home, but I had to buy this little one for my office since I carpool and don't have access to good coffee. I can't drink the shit they put near the water coolers any more.

Oh ho, the sun is shining and my thoughts are all over the place. I woke up this morning, not wanting to get up when it's so nice and warm in bed - but then the hot shower started to seep into me bones, and as I puttered around my house... feeling so very connected to it and very present. I've always liked my place, but I really really appreciated my little house this morning.. the multitude of bathrooms, the warmth of morning sun shining through my windows, the huge windows in my living room to watch the world coast by......running upstairs into the office to grab my computer and files before heading out the door.

Yesterday, I spent a good hour spraying the aphids on my orange naval tree with a mixture of oil and soap... there are tons of buds on that tree right now, and I can't even go on about the millions of Mexican limes bursting from my little lime tree. All the while, I've been holding my breath, waiting for my gardenia bush - my little treasure - to blossom. That's my little love project - I love flowers and fragrant flowers are exquisite. Oh man, life is so goddamned good. Being in the moment, enjoying what I have rather than clawing to get what I don't have. I never thought I'd have a green thumb, but there's such immense satisfaction in seeing the results of your labor through beautiful flowers and fruits.

Nothing can dampen my spirit today, not even the huge property tax that is due Monday, nor the taxes I have to complete this weekend. Or waking up at 7am this weekend to finish my community hours. And damn, we have another Warriors game tonight. What a rough life.

Yesterday, I took out 2 hours to create a dream box - inspired by a previous exec at Veritas. These dreams and thoughts have been in my head swirling around for years... and it felt so empowering to write them down on a 5x7 card. I'm not sure they will ever come true, but if I put them down, my intentions are there - and I think the universe will provide an inspiration to make it happen. Something is happening here, this year - there's a shift in the energy of the world, and I feel like I'm waking up from a dream. I feel more focused and clear than I have in a long time, probably since I was in my early 20's. It must be this thing called hope or is it happiness? Nah, must be more than that - when I find out, I'll let you know. :)

The Robin

The entire house is in recovery mode. The girls, from their operations, and AG and I from our social weekend. And of course, all the girls love to recover on dad.

I'm not sure whether it's the sun that's finally decided to shine through today, or whether spring is finally heralding it's arrival, but I'm feeling a momentum of energy and strength rolling through the house. I would love to bottle this zest, hope, energy, and confidence and store it for rainy days. The things I could accomplish...

Even my pessimistic Padma is showing signs of renewed life. :) Her saturn return was long and difficult, but she's coming out, a good thing to see. 

Tea and cookies

Finally, we completed the social weekend with a tea and cakes event at our place to celebrate Mie's birthday...

KC and Noi brought some excitement to what would have been a very mellow event.
she is quite a handful, and soon to be dad, Dav, was getting some good daddy experience running after her and baby proofing my house. I have to say that I was thinking twice about children after they left. At least with the girls, when they get rowdy, I just stick them in their pen.

Here's a wonderful picture of Auntie Rachel and Noi. I think mine and AG's world is changing very very quickly. Soon, I'll be blogging about diapers and pre-school and swap stories about babysitters and college funds - sigh - scary. I'm not sure I'm ready - I'm not sure I'll have the patience.

April Fools Smesh continued

Here are some cute pairs....

 

April Fools Smesh

A large gathering celebrated Smesh's birthday Saturday night at Little Baobab. The dinner was intimate and great fun to catch up with Miss Butterfly. Afterwards more people came to dance to a mix of reggae, hip hop and whatever else they mixed in.

It's great when your waiter is also the dj. It was crowded and fun. The music was really jamming by the end of the night. We all forgot that it was daylight savings time...





Here's Jen and Ari, hamming it up .















Miss Butterfly and Smesh. 

Operation Station

Sienna's little diaper before her operation. I finally figured out how to diaper my dogs, but still haven't diapered a baby yet.

The girls went on the operation table this Saturday. I had to do it... I wish it didn't have to be like that, but knowing that they can now run freely through the park without being on a leash is of some comfort.

They are still recovering a bit, getting a little special attention - napping on the couch while I'm, ahem, working.
 

Super G's birthday

Having to backtrack a little here. Two weeks ago we surprised Miss Super G at Pomelo's (www.pomelo.com) for her birthday. Dan ingeniously brought 15-20 of her close friends and hid us behind a baby picture of Super G. Great conversations, good food and a cape made by Rachel with our pictures on the back for support.