BM is over, Aesha's first birthday is over and we are all recovering nicely. Slowly, a rhythm to my week is starting to take shape.
Aesha is up at 6:30am - I try to keep her in bed with me as long as possible. But inevitably, she hears the dogs and wants to greet them. Some days I close the door and place her on the floor with the dogs. With one eye open and on her, the other trying to rest, I allow her to wander around the room before getting into too much trouble.
By 6:45 or 7am she is not happy being alone with the dogs. I drag myself out of bed and head to the kitchen where I grab her corn puffs and offer her a handful. All dog bowls (food and water) must be placed out of her reach before leaving her to crawl around the living room and kitchen. Some days, I start the coffee grinding. But lately, she doesn't want to be on the floor and wants to be held. I attempt to make her lunch and mine, brush my teeth, wash my face and sometimes even take a shower, one handed.
7:30 - If I haven't been able to put on clothes and brush my teeth b/c she's tired and clingy, I hand her over to AG for 10 minutes while I make a mad dash to prepare myself for the day.
8:00 - I grab the following items with Aesha in tow to the car: purse, pump, my lunch/coffee/juice, Aesha's diaper bag and lunch. Somehow I get us all in the car, strapped down and head out to the daycare, drop her off and head into work.
5pm - I head out of the office to pick up the little monster. Usually, she's very excited to see me for the first 5 minutes, until I put her in the carseat. Then she's whining or screaming the 5 minutes it takes to get home. I drag everything plus her out of the car and into the house. Most days she won't let me put her down b/c she misses me and hasn't seen me all day. Some days, I get a little respite if AG's already home either he grabs her or the dogs are upstairs and she's excited to see the dogs for 2 minutes. Then it's back to holding while I try to make her dinner and ours. At some point, she decides she's had enough of food or is completely frustrated with me for trying to push food into her mouth.
7pm - we head to the bathtub. Usually, this is fun time and she enjoys being naked and in the warm water. Whatever cups and toys are in the tub, she will use to drink tons of bath water. 15 minutes in the tub, I pull her out, wrap her in a fluffy towel, clean her ears and head to her room where I allow 2 minutes of naked time. By now, she's tired and cranky and I can barely hold her still to put on the diaper while she's screaming and kicking at me.
7:30pm we are on the rocking chair and she's nursing. Hopefully she'll pass out in the next half hour. If not, and AG's home, then I hand her to AG to finish the job. Then I finish making our dinner, eat dinner and wash the dishes. If there is any energy left, I try to do some laundry but usually it's 9pm and I have some time to check emails before she wakes up at 10am for another nursing. By then, I'm too tired and I take her into the bedroomo and pass out. Between 10am and 6t:30, I will wake up at least 4 more times to nurse her throughout the night. Lately, she tosses back and forth beginning at 4:30am until 6:30. Otherwise, everything starts all over again.
On weekends, the morning are more relaxed and some days the family will take a walk to Philz for coffee. But mostly, AG and I are exhausted and one of us is up at 6:30 with her, while allowing the other to catch up on rest.
And how do people do it with more than one child? I cannot imagine having to get Aesha ready for daycare while nursing another child. It's doable, I know... it's been done for thousands of years and happening now.. but I cannot fathom having enough energy at the moment. AG and I are barely surviving. It's fun, but quite a delirious ride and we are always exhausted. I can only hope that at some point, she will sleep through the night thus allowing us to sleep through the night. If that can happen, then I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I know how people get old...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
First Day
My first day at work... feels like the first day of school. Got my picture taken (for my badge), received notebooks and pens, signed into my computer, filled out lots of forms went to a lot of meetings and met a lot of people. Very similar, except I will receive a paycheck instead of grades for being there.
The Gap is similar to any corporate headquarters, but I realized I've been spoiled working at a high tech software company. Computer access to the internet with little supervision is not common to general corporate America. My first day at work and already, everything feels different. In the past I enjoyed being the worker bee, with my head down and hoping everyone would leave me alone to do my job. Now, I'm mentally aware of every connection I make. I take note of each person I meet, what they do, their title, how do they fit into the scheme. I'm thinking three steps ahead trying to understand each piece of every position and attempting to remember all the pieces of each project that will integrate into the direction the company is heading. I like this mental change. Makes what I do much more interesting.
The commute is so nice. It took me 10 minutes to get to work and to return home and pick up Aesha. I can drive on 101 or 280, and for lunch I can go to all the stores off of 280 that felt so far away before. Already I feel changes, which are all positive.
The Gap is similar to any corporate headquarters, but I realized I've been spoiled working at a high tech software company. Computer access to the internet with little supervision is not common to general corporate America. My first day at work and already, everything feels different. In the past I enjoyed being the worker bee, with my head down and hoping everyone would leave me alone to do my job. Now, I'm mentally aware of every connection I make. I take note of each person I meet, what they do, their title, how do they fit into the scheme. I'm thinking three steps ahead trying to understand each piece of every position and attempting to remember all the pieces of each project that will integrate into the direction the company is heading. I like this mental change. Makes what I do much more interesting.
The commute is so nice. It took me 10 minutes to get to work and to return home and pick up Aesha. I can drive on 101 or 280, and for lunch I can go to all the stores off of 280 that felt so far away before. Already I feel changes, which are all positive.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Back from the land of Burning
We left, spent the week trying to catch time, and returned unsatisfied. That's what it felt like, and it feels like that often, trying to catch time. By the time we reached the gates, we were exhausted from lack of sleep. Thought we could make it up either napping during the day or the evenings. We were sadly mistaken. We arrived at 4:20am Tuesday morning, no traffic - smooth ride. We found our campmates easily but it was too early to set up tent. AG and I took off to the playa for a chance to check out the sunrise. Good thing we did, we never made it back to the playa.
As the sun rose, we found a beautifully lit purple tree in the middle of 8:00 and somewhere. We sat down and watched the sun rise slowly. We found a little chick far from home? By 6am, we headed back to camp to set up tent. We didn't sleep until Wednesday morning at 8am, and then only for 3 hours. I remember mostly hanging out with friends at camp and trying to stay awake. One night, Rachel and CC hung out with us in our tent. We had a little smoke and talked for a couple of hours. It was one of the more memorable nights. By Friday morning, I was eager to pack and leave. The days were exhaustingly hot making it difficult to nap past 9am. AG and I slept possibly 2-3 hours each morning from 6am-9am. I drove all night and reached SF by 3am. We tiptoed in the house, took showers and prepared to sleep.
However, Aesha heard or felt me and woke up. I tried holding her but she wouldn't let me. She allowed AG to hold her but she wouldn't allow me near her at all. My heart churned with guilt. Next morning it was the same. She woke up early and AG took her to the Grandma's to play allowing me to sleep in 2 extra hours from 6:30 to 8:30am. But I missed her so much, I woke up hoping she'd let me close to her. She didn't. So I sat in the kitchen watching her while she played, keeping a close eye on me. If I left the room, she would crawl around to find me, and when she did she wouldn't get close. This little game went on for a couple of hours until I finally hid in the master bathroom and she couldn't find me for 10 minutes and began to cry. I picked her up and she finally allowed me to.
A family friend who works with children and understands their behavior had this to say about the incident:
Hi Ari,
Your dad and Chris just left and I thought I would drop you a short note.Chris was telling us about their week with Aesha and how, when you came back she was "rejecting" Toni. I was talking with Chris about the meaning ofthat behavior and she said I should write to you.
I teach about child development so I just wanted to tell you that Aesha'sbehavior is not only predictable, it is very healthy. It makes a statementabout the quality of the attachment relationship between mother anddaughter. It's Aesha's way of saying to Toni - You are the most importantperson in my universe and I want you to know how much I missed you. If shedidn't care, and didn't demonstrate that she cared that you went away Iwould be worried.
Hope you guys are doing well and look forward to seeing you for our Goodbyeto Trinidad party.
As the sun rose, we found a beautifully lit purple tree in the middle of 8:00 and somewhere. We sat down and watched the sun rise slowly. We found a little chick far from home? By 6am, we headed back to camp to set up tent. We didn't sleep until Wednesday morning at 8am, and then only for 3 hours. I remember mostly hanging out with friends at camp and trying to stay awake. One night, Rachel and CC hung out with us in our tent. We had a little smoke and talked for a couple of hours. It was one of the more memorable nights. By Friday morning, I was eager to pack and leave. The days were exhaustingly hot making it difficult to nap past 9am. AG and I slept possibly 2-3 hours each morning from 6am-9am. I drove all night and reached SF by 3am. We tiptoed in the house, took showers and prepared to sleep.
However, Aesha heard or felt me and woke up. I tried holding her but she wouldn't let me. She allowed AG to hold her but she wouldn't allow me near her at all. My heart churned with guilt. Next morning it was the same. She woke up early and AG took her to the Grandma's to play allowing me to sleep in 2 extra hours from 6:30 to 8:30am. But I missed her so much, I woke up hoping she'd let me close to her. She didn't. So I sat in the kitchen watching her while she played, keeping a close eye on me. If I left the room, she would crawl around to find me, and when she did she wouldn't get close. This little game went on for a couple of hours until I finally hid in the master bathroom and she couldn't find me for 10 minutes and began to cry. I picked her up and she finally allowed me to.
A family friend who works with children and understands their behavior had this to say about the incident:
Hi Ari,
Your dad and Chris just left and I thought I would drop you a short note.Chris was telling us about their week with Aesha and how, when you came back she was "rejecting" Toni. I was talking with Chris about the meaning ofthat behavior and she said I should write to you.
I teach about child development so I just wanted to tell you that Aesha'sbehavior is not only predictable, it is very healthy. It makes a statementabout the quality of the attachment relationship between mother anddaughter. It's Aesha's way of saying to Toni - You are the most importantperson in my universe and I want you to know how much I missed you. If shedidn't care, and didn't demonstrate that she cared that you went away Iwould be worried.
Hope you guys are doing well and look forward to seeing you for our Goodbyeto Trinidad party.
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