Back from the land of Burning

We left, spent the week trying to catch time, and returned unsatisfied. That's what it felt like, and it feels like that often, trying to catch time. By the time we reached the gates, we were exhausted from lack of sleep. Thought we could make it up either napping during the day or the evenings. We were sadly mistaken. We arrived at 4:20am Tuesday morning, no traffic - smooth ride. We found our campmates easily but it was too early to set up tent. AG and I took off to the playa for a chance to check out the sunrise. Good thing we did, we never made it back to the playa.


As the sun rose, we found a beautifully lit purple tree in the middle of 8:00 and somewhere. We sat down and watched the sun rise slowly. We found a little chick far from home? By 6am, we headed back to camp to set up tent. We didn't sleep until Wednesday morning at 8am, and then only for 3 hours. I remember mostly hanging out with friends at camp and trying to stay awake. One night, Rachel and CC hung out with us in our tent. We had a little smoke and talked for a couple of hours. It was one of the more memorable nights. By Friday morning, I was eager to pack and leave. The days were exhaustingly hot making it difficult to nap past 9am. AG and I slept possibly 2-3 hours each morning from 6am-9am. I drove all night and reached SF by 3am. We tiptoed in the house, took showers and prepared to sleep.

However, Aesha heard or felt me and woke up. I tried holding her but she wouldn't let me. She allowed AG to hold her but she wouldn't allow me near her at all. My heart churned with guilt. Next morning it was the same. She woke up early and AG took her to the Grandma's to play allowing me to sleep in 2 extra hours from 6:30 to 8:30am. But I missed her so much, I woke up hoping she'd let me close to her. She didn't. So I sat in the kitchen watching her while she played, keeping a close eye on me. If I left the room, she would crawl around to find me, and when she did she wouldn't get close. This little game went on for a couple of hours until I finally hid in the master bathroom and she couldn't find me for 10 minutes and began to cry. I picked her up and she finally allowed me to.

A family friend who works with children and understands their behavior had this to say about the incident:

Hi Ari,
Your dad and Chris just left and I thought I would drop you a short note.Chris was telling us about their week with Aesha and how, when you came back she was "rejecting" Toni. I was talking with Chris about the meaning ofthat behavior and she said I should write to you.
I teach about child development so I just wanted to tell you that Aesha'sbehavior is not only predictable, it is very healthy. It makes a statementabout the quality of the attachment relationship between mother anddaughter. It's Aesha's way of saying to Toni - You are the most importantperson in my universe and I want you to know how much I missed you. If shedidn't care, and didn't demonstrate that she cared that you went away Iwould be worried.
Hope you guys are doing well and look forward to seeing you for our Goodbyeto Trinidad party.