Meeting the Helsley Clan

Saturday AG and I drove to Fresno to meet his girls - the Helsley Clan. Aliyah is 2 years old and Ava is just 4 months. They were both so cute. Aliyah is super gorgeous and spunky and Ava looks just like daddy with daddy's mellow attitude - she was fine sitting on her little chair trying to stuff her little toes in her mouth.

Helsley is one of my best friends and we go back to law school days. It was so nice to finally see another part of his life - his family, his house - a huge side of him I haven't yet seen. I still can't believe how much of him is in his daughters.
They are gorgeous aren't they? When we got there, we hung out for a bit, chatting and trying to hold Ava, but she would have none of it. The minute I picked her up she started crying - so I naturally gave her to Ari. that didn't help either. Now I know better.

Aliyah was super talkative and everywhere wanting to show us everything. We got out of the house and hung out at their pool for an hour while Helsley and AG played some weird game. Then AG and I checked into our hotel and got ready to meet them later for dinner. Helsley and Ruby took us to a very cute little fusion place and what do I order? Spaghetti and meatballs. It was a lovely evening. The next morning we met up with the family again for coffee before AG and I took off for home.

3 hours later, I walked over to Elaine's house to hang out with folks planning for BM. I couldn't help it, I started to pick up on the BM vibe and even had the nerve to tell people that maybe, just maybe there's a chance we could make it. Of course AG put a stop that talk immediately. Wishful wishful thinking on my part - sigh. I can't believe we're not going this year - it just doesn't feel right.

This morning I had my doctor's appointment and Martini is doing great. I've gained 27lbs - 2 more from last visit. My pelvis is stretching again which means that my back is hurting - but not as bad as before. I was a little upset yesterday when I found small stretchmarks. I was hoping I'd be lucky enough not to get any. So far, they aren't huge and scary looking, just small little ones here and there, mostly below the belly button - and 2-3 on the sides.

Backtracking - Brunch

It's been a couple of weeks since I blogged some pictures - so I'm backtracking a bit to get these in. In early July met up with Nafysa, Colleen and Tameeza for a little early dinner snacks at Tartine's since Nafysa was in town.

Las week - met up with Marmee, Sasha and Kristin for a pregnant women's lunch. Kristin was at 37 weeks and probably at 39 weeks now. Marmee is 2 weeks behind me. Whew, lots of pregnant hormones floating around. It was nice to hear stories of how things were going for the other girls, what they went through etc. We are all carrying our babies differently. It's a trip.

Since then, AG and I have attended 2 Natural Resources Birthing prep classes. I really like our instructor, who's also a doula. She's very straight-forward and medically inclined but with a bias towards natural childbirth. I like that she's not pushy about what decisions people want to make regarding their birthing plan, but wants us all to have all the information we need in order to make the right decision that works for us.
As we are reading the materials in this class, AG and I are leaning more and more towards a natural childbirth. When I first read Inna May's book, I thought - I'll start off doing as much as I can, but if I need an epidural then I'll take it - no need to go through the pain and suffering. What I'm beginning to realize is that our body is supposed to go through the pain. Having any type of an intervention causes a chain reaction that usually leads to either an epidural , an episiotiomy or a c-section. There's so many chemicals going through our body that starts one thing and prepares us for the next stage that if we intervene by introducing foreign unregulated chemicals that mimic the required hormone, the body responds by not making any more of the hormones needed to complete the natural childbirth process. This makes a lot of sense to us. Both AG and I completely believe in the body balancing itself out. I'm a huge fan of not taking prescription medication for anything but what's absolutely necessary. I don't take cold medication - I allow my body to go through the process of identifying and getting rid of the virus/bacteria - and I believe that's why I rarely get sick. My body has learned to fight these virus/bacteria on its own and is very good at doing so if I maintain a good immune system by eating and sleeping well.


Additionally, we're discovering that there are long term effects when there's intervention. For example, having the umbilical cord pulse out completely all the blood and nutrients before cutting it is super important for the health of the baby. Additionally, the first 45 minutes after baby is born is a huge bonding moment with mother and baby and there's so much going on that taking the baby away to clean, weigh, and measure the baby disturbs this bonding and causes some lasting effects later.


I'm not advocating that I have to have a natural childbirth or I'd be disappointed, but I sure am more aware of why it's important to us to have the baby naturally if we can. I wish more people knew about this process. If we haven't read and had this course, I'm not sure I'd know and I think that's worse than knowing and then ending up with a C-section because of circumstances.

Movie night: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

AG and I broke out of our regular routine of sitting in front of the TV and vegging out by having dinner at the Bloomingdale mall (they have higher end mall food ;)) and watching Harry Potter's Order of the Phoenix. The critics gave it a B+ and I would more or less agree with that. It's darker and better than the last 3 or 4 Potter movies, and the acting has improved, but there's still something missing. It's that "umph" or magic that gels a movie together. Perhaps it's missing a soul? During the movie, AG had one hand on my belly so Martini could entertain him throughout the movie as kicked and squirmed for a good 2 hours.

I made it through the movie without having to run to the bathroom, but just barely. Probably wasn't good for me to hold on that long, but we were stuck in the middle with people on both sides and I always feel terrible getting up during the movie and interrupting other people's experience. Probably my last in theater movie until Martini arrives.

One of the previews that caught our attention though was the Golden Compass - out of nowhere. Another fantasy movie, and as AG puts it - what the Narnia movie should have been like - dark, scary and with character development, plot, and depth, not just a CGI experience.

Earlier today I borrowed Mie's birthing ball. We start our childbirth class tonight at 6:30... oh boy - it's all starting to happen... the last things to do before the home stretch. The Natural Resource center subscribes to Ina May's natural childbirth philosophy which I'm so greatful that I've read and agree with.

Week 31

This week, your baby measures about 16 inches long. She weighs a little over 3 pounds and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn her head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

I think I am going into a growth spurt. First part of my 3rd trimester I was starting to get finicky and naseous about food. But starting the last week, I've been eating and eating and drinking large amounts of liquid. I just downed 24oz of ice tea in 15 minutes. My stomache feels stretched at the moment - like I swallowed a bowling ball. And I'm still amazed at how big I've gotten. It's an odd experience. When I'm sleeping and the weight is off me, I don't feel "pregnant" unless I roll over and the weight catches up to me. Mentally I don't see my pregnancy, but when I do catch myself passing by and see the belly - then I impress myself. Last night, my back started aching again and I couldn't find a comfortable position until well past 3am. This morning my sides and ribs ache - probably from Martini kicking me throughout the night.

It was surprising to wake up this morning to a drizzling day. It's not often that it rains during the summer here. But I like it. It's refreshing and god knows we need the rain. It's also warm rain which I love. Perhaps I couldn't sleep last night due to the weather change. I know people who are sensitive to weather changes. I've talked to several friends who loved being pregnant. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I do enjoy the experience of creating life - but I'm not sure I love being pregnant. I miss running, and moving about quickly and getting things done. I miss drinking wine and not always worrying about what I eat to feed Martini. I miss being thin and physical. And I completely miss sleeping on my belly!!!! Maybe mothers romanticize their pregnancy once the baby's out. They do say mother nature has a way of wanting you to forget the discomforts and pains of births/pregnancy so the species can continue. It'll be interesting how I feel about this in a year.

What will Martini look like?

This is the most adorable picture, and one of my favorite baby pictures of AG. Unfortunately I don't have any baby pictures of myself. Yesterday I completed the SF Kaiser hospital tour and for a second it really hit home that I could give birth at anytime after week 36. I imagined being admitted in the Labor room as we walked through the process and my anxiety level increased significantly.

I had controlled many of my fears after reading Ina May's Natural Childbirth several months ago. But yesterday, when I was in the hospital, all those fears and anxiety flooded back. Could have been me seeing a new mom being wheeled out of the delivery room with all these tubes sticking out of her - and she looking so miserable. It's the needles that gives me the chills, and the fact that no matter how nice people are - the environment is still cold and sterile - like a cheap run-down apartment. I don't know how I'm supposed to relax in that environment.

I'm trying to weigh my options between the Walnut Creek facility vs. SF. The WC facility has 2 midwives on duty 24/7 and there's a difference between that type of philosophy and SF's which is more of a physician care philosophy. But if I choose SF - I can stay at home for as long as possible before needing to be admitted. I hope and fantasize that my labor will be more endurable snuggled in bed with AG and soaking in a warm tub with warm candles and soft music playing for as long as possible. I'm glad our birth preparation classes start soon - knowing what to expect will help alleviate some anxiety. This train of thought led me down the birthing path what Martini will look like.

So I grabbed a baby picture of AG and tried to remember what I looked like then mentally merged "us" together. It's difficult to project from this excerise, but she could look like AG with almond eyes and darker hair/skin. The last several babies I've seen, the girls have looked a lot like their dad. I have to agree with my parents that AG is prettier than me and I wouldn't be diappointed at all if Martini took after her dad. Those curls are pretty darn cute and I would die for those eyebrows.

Week 30

Here we are - week 30 - 75% of the way there. If everything works out right, only 10 more weeks to go. Martini and I have a doctor's appointment today at 2pm and another Kaiser hospital tour (of SF) tomorrow evening. Still weighing in at 150lbs, although these last 2 weeks I've been waking up hungrier than usual and needing something in my belly by 6am. She's up at that time too, kicking and squirming and whatever else she's doing in there. Wouldn't be too surprised to gain another 10lbs before she's here. As you can see, my belly button has popped out and the linea negra is showing up more.

Been having some shin splints pain, with all the weight I'm carrying, mostly on the left foot. It kept me up a bit Sunday evening and yesterday too, but today it's subsided. Could also be calcium depletion, so I drank 2 glasses of organic whole milk last night - as a chaser to my 2 chocolate chip cookies of course ;).

Here's the magic three legged frog my mom and Mr. T bought for AG and I in hopes of bringing in great wealth to our house. We turn him to face the world during the day where he sucks up good energy and then face him inwards in the evening to release the good energy back into the house. He hasn't done much lately, but he looks cool. And of course, an adorable picture of the 4-legged monsters as they nap by my feet. I took them on a walk last night to our local Safeway and rolled them around in the shopping cart in the store. It felt good to get out of the house since we all took a nap from 6-8pm in the living room together. The breeze was cool but refreshing and the walk did us good.



We've been working on the back yard a bit too - I found this great futon sectional on craigslist and can't wait to reupholster it. It's firm and space efficient. Now to get rid of the jungle back there. Anyone interested in an 8 foot orange tree and 4 foot mexican lime tree? I love it, but it's completely outgrown the yard.

Work has calmed down quite a bit, and I've been demotivated to do much anyways, except for what needs to be done immediately. It's almost the middle of July - halfway through summer - I can't believe how quickly time is passing by. Lately, I've been a little detached from reality and living more in my own little world. The little things I used to worry about aren't taking on as much significance - like projects at work and around the house, and all the summer activities that I want to do. I'm not sure if anything has replaced my new reality - sometimes I feel as if I'm walking through a dream - a little foggy and dazed. There are bursts of sharpness that drags me back to reality - but it's only out of necessity (usually work related). It's not a bad place to be at the moment. I feel a sense of calm - but I'm not used to watching myself through a lens. No, I'm not smoking anything... perhaps it's a part of the pregnancy I haven't read about.... giving your mind and body a chance to relax before the little one comes.

Tesla's first Bday

Friday night we did absolutely nothing. I bought candles and little odd/ends for the house from Ikea and AG and I hung out at home watching tv for a bit then lounging downstairs in the bedroom talking and laughing until we passed out.

Saturday we leisurely lounged in bed until 10am, then made breakfast with the ipod on instead of the tv. By 4pm we headed to the Yaginuma's to celebrate Tesla's first birthday. I made her this BM hat - I had hoped to be more ambitious with the intention of completing the outfit with leg warmers - but somehow, the day flew by. When we got there, it was chaotic. Children and adults running everywhere. I had a brief future flash of me being in this sitatuation next year with Martini and I almost started hyperventilating. Thankfully, I snuck in the bedroom with Lenira and Rachel to talk for a bit. By the time we emerged, some of the chaos had died down.

Later that evening we drove to Hotel Utah to support Eli and Shannon and the Pistol Opera. It was very loud and AG was being quite protective. He was concerned that we might be blowing out Martini's developing eardrums. What a cute dad. Thankfully the set finished before midnight and we swiftly checked out. AG left this morning for New Orleans and I slept in until 4pm - completely wiped out lately. Could be all the weight I'm carrying now or could be all the work going into Martini. Whatever it is, I'm exhausted.

Just finished dinner and a warm bath - snuggled up in my bed. The pups are napping at the end of the bed and the house is extremely quiet without AG. I'm not used to it, but should enjoy it for the next couple of months.

Martini has been very active lately and for even longer periods of time. Today she was squirming around for a good hour, continuously. I am so excited to meet her, only 10 weeks remaining.

4th Get together

Yesterday was the perfect 4th. Temperatures in SF reached record at high 80's if not 90's and above 100 degrees inland. We started off slowly, getting out of bed around 10am - walking to Philz for a cup of coffee - getting home and cleaning up the backyard - now with the futon sectional for easy lounging access.

We finally got it together by 1:30 to head over to Dolores to meet our friends for a nice picnic in the park. There were people we hadn't seen in ages - i.e. Manisha, Eddy and Supratim, Sandy, Carla and Baby Nathan. What a pleasant surprise. We also met some newbies - Jan, Kerry's new flame. I barely made my social rounds. So much food but I couldn't eat, it was too hot out - but I did get seconds on ice-cream, especially mint chocolate chip at Bi-Rite's ice-creamery - home made ice cream a block away. It had completely melted by the time we got back to our area.

Here are some sexy photos of Kerry and Tameeza. Maddick and Margo also joined. We were out in the sun from 2-7pm. At 9pm we ran upstairs to watch the fireworks on the roof deck of our neighbor Simon/Christie. Andy, Margo, Maddick joined us. The night was gorgeous and we had a great view of some local fireworks on 26th street. They started at 8:30 and didn't finish until well past 11pm.
Today is another scorcher day in the bay before it starts to cool off Friday. Back to the daily grind....ugh.


This weekend is Tesla's birthday and Pistol Opera - Eli's band is playing at Hotel Utah. Can't wait to see them - they are one of my favorite bands, and even more so when you know the lead singer and his wife ;). Their little baby girl Isla Love Braden (born April) will be there too hopefully.

Been thinking about and making some decisions about the next 4 months. Still bummed about BM and fantasizing about how to get there - but realizing that it's only a fantasy. In the meantime, I've been reading up on a variety of things: (1) 100,000 baby names - still searching for that elusive name for our Martini; (2) Freud's Psychopathology of Every Day Life (not an easy read); (3) A Fortune-Teller Told Me; (4) How to set up an LLC and last but not least (5) Missed Fortunes 101.

Home Sweet Home

Oh, it was delicious to spend the weekend at home, our first weekend at home in a month. AG and I moved the bedroom around and the feng shui is so much better. Hanging out downstairs is enjoyable now - for reading a book, watching tv or just dozing. Nothing can beat the upstairs tv so we do still migrate up there, but it's heavenly to have a retreat.

Sunday afternoon, Martini reacted to loud outside noises for the first time (that I've noticed). I was dozing a bit while AG was tinkering around and installing curtain rods in the bedroom... it was lazy and quiet outside. The pups started barking at a neighbor startling both myself and obviously Martini, as she started kicking and squirming immediately. She's hearing us, she's aware of noises outside her little Womb. Fascinating.