Sunday, AG and Aesha went with me to remember a beautiful man. I met Otto almost 9 years ago. As a matter of fact, I remember the exact day we met, even the exact circumstances. I was hanging out with an ex (Nigel) - it was July 14th 1999 at the French Bastille party downtown. In comes this huge beautiful black man. The Bastille party is held every year in SF between two alleyways and it is completely filled, bodies to sweating bodies. Otto is not an easy guy to miss. Somehow, he got my number and said he'd call to hang out. A couple of weeks later, I run into Otto at a club - and he swoops in for a huge kiss. Later that night he called and we talked from 3am to 6am. He was trying to persuade me to leave my Sausalito pad to come into the city and hang out with him, he was even willing to come pick me up. But it didn't happen, I was too tired. But we talked for hours that night, about his travels, trips to Africa, I loved his spirit. 
We hung out several more times, a trip to Tahoe.... Otto and I became friends. I'd see him out of the blue at BM. The first night with AG, on our way home, we ran into Otto at the dome, me in my tag-raggled blonde afro-wig, pedaling with one foot on my bike, the other dragging on the ground. AG still remembers that meeting. The next year, AG and I are taking a shower at camp, and who comes biking down the dirt road to say hi to me while I'm butt naked, Otto. And all the times I'd see him at Power to the Peaceful passing out flyers for the after party that benefited SF children.
8 months ago, Otto was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer - and I really really believed if anyone could beat it, he could. His spirit is so dominatingly bright, he had so much love from so many people. He was courageous - he blogged about his experience online www.ottoschutt.com. But due to complications, Otto died last week. I have been mourning the loss of such a beautiful man and bright light and remembering him all week. AG says that perhaps the people who shine the brightest, burn out faster, or perhaps (I like this version better), Otto was needed elsewhere.
I have not had to deal with death this close before. Otto's death has made me believe that there must be another plane of existence. I can't imagine that something/someone so beautiful as Otto - so happy and full of life, would just extinguish, as if not existing at all. I can't explain it, out of nowhere, I just believed that there must be....I used to be so afraid of death. The fear stems from the finality and not believing that there is another existence, being away from those you love.
At his memorial on Sunday - we contributed a succulant to plant in his garden. His love, Indra, is so beautiful and bright herself. I watched as his father dug into the ground and I couldn't imagine the pain of having to bury your child. The community that held him that day were all beautiful people. Aesha was too sick for us to continue the memorial, but everyone walked to Twin Peaks to scatter his ashes over SF, the beautiful city he loved. There are tons of pictures of Otto on flickr http://www.flickr.com/groups/ottoschutt/pool/. I found these two pictures of us at one of Otto's birthday party his friends threw for him. He was such a beautiful spirit, and made a huge impact on all who knew him; I hope that they need him more where he has gone....
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