Week 20 - Halfway there!

I woke up this morning and grabbed one of my regular t-shirts and was walking around the house not realizing the display I was providing until I viewed myself in the mirror. My regular t-shirts do not cover my belly! So of course, I had to blog this picture.

I am forced to go out this weekend and look at maternity clothes. I can get away with sweats and stretch pants at home, but for work, this look wouldn't fly. Soon, I won't be able to tell if my shoes are tied or not. If I bend over, I can still make out the tips of my toes.

It's super hot and beautiful out. After work, I walked the pups to Dolores Park and ran into Brimeeza. We had a nice time chatting and catching up. I remember going through the same fears and questions she had when AG and I were trying to get pregnant. It's just amazing to think that all of our lives, us women live in fear of getting pregnant, and when we finally want to - we know nothing about gettting pregnant. I did a lot of research and re-discovered my body and what it's capable of doing. Even though everyone tells you (including yourself) that you shouldn't expect to get pregnant immediately, there's a secret part of you that believes so earnestly that if you had one night of unprotected sex, you will get pregnant. So the moment you start to try, and you don't - your mind can't quite accept this result. And then you begin to realize that there only a small window of time where your body is even capable of getting pregnant - and you think back to all the years of worry when you and your partner were slightly careless. But I guess there's always someone out there who just happens to get pregnant on that one particular mishap, which put the fear in all us women.

After a couple of hours in the sun with Brimeeza and the pups, we walked home and I got ready for dinner with KC. We ate at Le Colonial - pretty darn good Vietnamese fusion food - but pricy. The dinner was outrageous - KC and her husband started a restaurant guide printing business - you know the little guides you get if you are a tourist coming into the city and wanting a map. It's great, they do really well - work from home and dictate their own hours. They've done so well that they're starting up another guide - for evening haunts. Part of the perks she receives are gift certificates to all the wonderful restaurants that advertise in her guide (one of which includes Saha's). We ordered the Chef's appetizer plate (which includes a taste of all the appetizers available), then I had the 2lb lobster sauteed over baby bok choy... and if that didn't fill me up, the Chef's dessert platter did. I'll have to download the picture on my next post - it was insanely outrageous. I did not order the dessert, I only went along for the ride. KC and I mostly discussed my current pregnancy and reminisced about hers. It was clear she had some difficult time and wanted to pass on some words of wisdom.

At the end of our conversation, she brought up a dark subject. She wanted to talk about a subject that was brought up last week at our girl's night out - how many of our friends have been molested. It's a surprising statistic to know that I am in a minority among my friends who have never been molested. She had been thinking about it now that she has a daughter. I haven't thought about those conversations much except that I felt extremely lucky it never happened to me. I had stated that it probably never happened to me because my parents were over-vigilent in this area. Young women weren't allowed to spend the night at their friend's homes, especially if there were any males present, irregardless of their age or status. I was never allowed to spend nights at slumber parties or go on overnight trips anywhere. My father wasn't shy about telling me why either - he always stated his fears of my safety and vulnerability as a young woman. Although I remembered being upset with him of the unfairness of it all, I am now relieved that the heartaches I had about not being able to participate, might have led to this surprising statistic. She's trying to find a balance for her daughter.

Now that I'm having a daughter, I'm just beginning to think about these things as a mother. What are the things I can do to protect her? It's staggering to hear from my friends about their experiences - and the men who molested them were close relatives, trusted friend's sons, neighbors, and peers - none were strangers. My friends are all strong women, and I don't think these numbers are specific to a group of people. I don't want to spend too much time with this fear, but I think it's a good to be cognitive of it - like my father was. This issue is taboo and rarely discussed, but it's more rampant that many of us would like to believe and it really hit me tonight. Anyways - enough of that for now....

The dinner lasted 4 hours - and I was in pain by the end of it. That's how it's been lately. Since Baby G has taken up more room in my belly, and my stomache has been pushed up and back - I should be eating more frequent but small meals. Large meals put me in pain. There's no room and my poor body is trying to figure out what to do. By the time I got home, it was close to midnight and I could barely stay awake even after 2 cups of coffee during dessert. I passed out and woke up at 5am because of some disturbingly haunting dreams. They say that your dream becomes really intense during pregnancy - I haven't had too many of them, but this one was. I was restless and couldn't fall back asleep, so I went upstairs and rummaged in the office for something to read. The house is so quiet. AG is in NYC and Andy and Allison are spending the weekend in Napa. It's just me and the pups in a big condo by ourselves all weekend.

It's light out now and I'm just starting to get tired ...