Sour Apples

I'm in a sour ass bad mood today and haven't wanted to fully inspect the reasons. I have some good ideas, but I think they are all triggers for something more that's happening. Maybe a long hot shower, some puppy kisses and some good old fashioned shopping might help. Or I could try just letting it all go and figuring it out another day.

Watching Sienna and Lila play in the sun releases a lot of pent up anger. I used to be an angry person, and I used to blame it on my boyfriends... But I've come to the realization, that I was just an angry person...heehee. Somedays I feel a shadow fall over me without any direct reasons that would explain why. I would indulge such feelings, and later realized that indulging them only led to more anger, so then I would fight them, only to realize that they return later darker than before. So now, I try to let these feelings run their course, and hopefully without causing too much havoc for those I care about... so I sulk in dark corners and in silence... and eventually I'm back out of the shadows and happy again.

I used to think these bursts of dark feelings were unnatural, but then I realized that there are people living in shadows most of their lives, and they have to fight to get some happiness, that's what they live for. I'm lucky, I live mostly in peace, and only deal with these feelings once in a long while. Is it chemical? If it is, do we have the ability to change that? My gut tells me that even if it is chemical, our bodies can compensate and bring balance... but easy for me to say.

Enough - I'm going out to play with Sienna and Lila.