March already?

It's been over a month since I've been able to post here. I've started new posts several times but felt unable to either publish my post or couldn't find the words to express myself. I wanted this blog to a place to express myself, and provide updates on my life. I've been trying unsucessfully to separate updates on Aesha as she has her own site.... and hence have not found as much inspiration to post.

There has been a lot going on. As Jessica says to me often, I have delayed emotional reactions to events that happen in my life. Sometimes, the emotions are delayed, but many times, it's the interpretation that gets delayed as well or both. I forget that having a baby is huge and being a mother is also huge. There's a part of me that can't quite figure out why my life isn't back to normal now that I'm no longer pregnant. The logical side of me knows that I have a baby, but the emotional side hasn't figured it all out. Like I said, I'm emotionally delayed. Just starting to realize that I've been holding my breath these last two months waiting for something to happen. Not sure if I was waiting for normalcy or some rhythm or pattern to emerge. Instead, it's been in constant flux with some patterns. I manage my life in hours and days instead of months and weeks. It's a huge change for me. I am emotionally drained by the end of the day - sometimes physically also.

I'm not complaining - being a mom is one of the most rewarding things in my life (so cliche but really so true). It's like running a race thinking you can see the finish line, but realize halfway through that you're not running a race, you're running a marathon and the finish line continues to move. Many days I'm in reaction mode rather than pro-action and I catch myself going through the motions. Other days, I can smell EVERY flower that's blooming and am enjoying every thing that's beautiful and alive. It's very surreal. Reminds me of the time I ate mushrooms and I sat watching the clouds roll by as if days had passed one after another, and in the next instant I was walking in slow motion. So the weeks pass by and I finally look up and we're halfway into March already? For friends out there who I haven't had the time to hang out or talk to lately - just know that it's not because I don't want to.

So what happened in February? We had a visit from GM Karen. It was wonderful to have Aesha spend time with her. She brought some wonderful toys - ones that light up and speak in Spanish. I also love Follow me Freddie, the weiner dog that barks and is part slinky so you can have him run in circles if you stretch his body out and bend it. GM Chris and GP Al just finished a week here. Spent a good 3 days with Al before Chris came into town. We had a wonderful evening at Saha's enjoying a 3 course meal with Aesha sitting in her own chair. Good walks, good talks and lots of good food. For March - Andy is moving out and I am excited for Aesha to have her own room. Whether she'll sleep there is another question - we can only try. Uncle Dave is coming to visit this weekend as well since he's on spring break.

Aesha's going through another growth spurt and this week has kept me awake most nights nursing a ton. Chris swears that she's gotten bigger since Saturday. Aesha turns 6 months Saturday and has her 6 month doctor's visit next Tuesday. We'll see what percentile the little minx is in.

Life is full, fast and not letting up steam. Some days blurr into weeks for me, and my memory is not at its best. Continued lack of deep sleep will take its toll. I swear, I can't believe it's middle of March.